i was hoping to have more energy today, at least enough to write in my journal, but it doesn't appear that energy is coming soon .. i think i've taken a good half dozen cat naps (less than an hour each) today, but i'm just not feeling rested .. i canceled my speech therapy for today, just wasn't up for it
oh well
the indigestion is driving me nuts as well as the tingling and numbness in my hands and feet (which has gotten worse the past few days) it might be because of the fatigue i'm feeling, but i feel like i've got chemo brain again .. forgetting things .. losing my train of thought so easily .. not being able to figure little stuff out .. mostly i guess i feel like i've made strides forward and this is the first time that i've had to take a step or two backwards .. and i don't much like it .. i prefer progress .. its weird but when i am forced to take a step or two back in my recovery, it scares me that the back steps arent gonna stop .. i'm so afraid that i'll just keep going back and back and not have a chance to be healthy for awhile
i really want a chance to be healthy for awhile
sorry ... i usually try to be so positive and upbeat but sometimes this stuff scares me .. i think if i let it scare me little by little instead of hitting me all at once, it isnt paralyzing .. anyway, thanks for sharing my fear with me and i promise i'll get control of my fear real soon
oh well
the indigestion is driving me nuts as well as the tingling and numbness in my hands and feet (which has gotten worse the past few days) it might be because of the fatigue i'm feeling, but i feel like i've got chemo brain again .. forgetting things .. losing my train of thought so easily .. not being able to figure little stuff out .. mostly i guess i feel like i've made strides forward and this is the first time that i've had to take a step or two backwards .. and i don't much like it .. i prefer progress .. its weird but when i am forced to take a step or two back in my recovery, it scares me that the back steps arent gonna stop .. i'm so afraid that i'll just keep going back and back and not have a chance to be healthy for awhile
i really want a chance to be healthy for awhile
sorry ... i usually try to be so positive and upbeat but sometimes this stuff scares me .. i think if i let it scare me little by little instead of hitting me all at once, it isnt paralyzing .. anyway, thanks for sharing my fear with me and i promise i'll get control of my fear real soon
21 comments:
(((((((((((Pam))))))))))))) Folks all over the world are praying for you....hang in there!!!!
hugs to you pam..
Pam,
Thinking of you and Praying for you daily.............
{{{{{{{{{{{{big Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}
Take care REST.....NAP.... LOVE, from all you your J friends.
Molly :)
(((((Pam))))) Try to keep your spirits up! You WILL be okay :)
Nicole
Hugs Pam....I know that it all must be so frustrating.....I am praying......I hope your weekend is a fullfilling one....Takecare and Hugs...friend...TerryAnn.
A lot of people in your position would be going bananas. You always handle it like a champ. Just take it one day at a time. I have faith that the steps will get easier and go forward and forward. You have a lot of folks behind you, so don't lose heart. much love and hugs,
Leslie
hang in there and stay strong and so not give up:)
Deb
Angel Girl...
Remember God won't give you anything you can't handle & considering he (or she! :-) ) is always with you then you can handle anything! Yes, I'm reminding myself of that too. Remember also the "close door...open window" idea! You will go forward & you may be. OH! I have a perfect example! Have you ever seen a labyrinth? I walked the one at the Grand Hotel on Mackinaw Island! It is so enlightening. Take a look a the link below. When you walk it you sometimes past people you past before & you seem to be going backwards because you see what you saw before but you are still actually progressing. It is so awesome! Check out the 2nd pix. You actually do have a different perspective though if you pay attention. :-) I think this could be a great analogy! Just keep faith!
http://www.duncancenter.org/labyrinths.htm
You don't have to be positive and upbeat for your readers. Just continue to be real as we continue to share this journey with you.
hi pam,
there's nothing wrong with admitting that your scared. shit, i'd be scared too!! admitting it and then passing through it is a healing thing, not a bad thing. you don't want to ignore it because it will just stay in the back of your mind eating away at you. this way, when you let it out, you can deal with it and then move on. good luck!!
giant hugs,
star
You do what you need to do. I can't believe how strong you are. I would be a puddle on the floor after half of what you've been through. Sleep. Get better.
Traci
Pam, be gentle with yourself my friend, it is "ok".
Do you feel the love? Angel Sandy
Hugs to you Pam...get some rest, hopefully you'll feel a little stronger today. Thinking of you....Nettie
it is ok to feel the way you are feeling. give yourself permission to be afraid.
i know nothing on what you are going through, but i know about depression and it sounds like you have some of that. it's ok. i know saying try not to dwell on things is a stupid thing to say, so give yourself permission to feel your emotions come share them with us and hopefully some of your fears will ease and you can be back to being the perky Pam.
I love you Pam and I hope I have never said anything to make you feel worse. I wouldn't mean to do that for the world. I hope you know that.
((((((((((Pamela))))))))))
Kathy
I am glad you are sharing some fears. Fears do not need to hide in the dark. We do better with them when we bring them out and share them with our friends. Get some rest, and I hope you can get some strength back and get the feeling back in your hands and feet.
xoxo
you just be what you need to be.
and here we will be.
"sorry" is not necessary. go ahead girl.............give us EVERYTHING you've got...........good or bad...........that's what we are here for.........personally, i wish i could do more...
zoe
do not be sorry!!! this is the place for you to get it all out!
Becky
No need in being sorry at all Pam...
This is your journal...you write anything you wish
whether it be happy, sad...or even venting...that is what
we journal for...to let it all out! Hoping God gives you the
courage and strength to sort through all these fears ~ lean on
him ~ You are in my thoughts and prayers today...and always!
Hugss..~Terri~
No apoligies doll! You just come here when you can. One letter at a time if need be. We'll be here. ;) C. http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies
Hang in there. Your an inspiration to us all.
Missie
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