ok
my son went down and picked up my new glasses for me and they're driving me nuts !! i am SO not used to wearing bifocals lol
the bifocals have NO line so i can't really tell where i need to look through for the "close up" vision but i am feeling like its such a small part of the actual lens that i need to tilt my head back to be able to use the close up part of the lense
most times i forget, use the long distance part of the lense and wonder why i can't see close up hehe i can "see" this will be taking some getting used to !!
in the meantime, the new glasses are making me just a tad sick to my tummy so i'm trying to keep my reading to a minimum (at least for now) so this will probably be a short journal entry, i just need to make an honest effort to keep y'all updated as often as i can .. it broke my heart when my head was so confused that i couldn't figure out how to use AOL or to even get online .. all kinds of things got so messed up and i don't want that to happen again .. bless my sister Nancy who so generously gave up her time to keep my journaling friends updated on a regular basis .. you are a wonderful woman Nancy !!!!!
one of the benefits of having cancer is that i get to participate in being the recepient of cards and small gifts from an organization that calls themselves "chemo angels" !! (in addition to the heartwarming gifts and cards i've received from my journaling buddys!!) i have 2 angels that send me snail mail, small gifts, gifts for my cats, gift certificates, cards at least once a week .. it was initially very strange for me to be on the receiving end of such generousity (since before cancer i was the one volunteering my time to different organizations) it required that i learn how to accept generousity from perfect strangers and i will confess that i've gotten pretty good at accepting (hopefully gracefully) gifts from my friends and chemo angels :)
it appears word got out amongst the chemo angels (i'm not sure how it works exactly) about my surgery .. (was that YOU Erika? hehehe) and i have received at least a dozen cards and small gifts from other chemo angels (they usually put the words "angel mail" so i know that the cards are coming from chemo angels .. i plan on taking a picture of the cards (IF i can remember how) to in a very small way thank the wonderful people who have decided to brighten my life (cause they have certainly succeeded!!!) everyday is like christmas around here and i'm loving going to the mailbox and having something to open besides medical bills !!! i wonder if those ladies know how special they make me feel ::big smiles::
speaking of medical bills .. i have GREAT medical benefits .. my out of pocket per year is limited to $2,500 plus a portion of the prescriptions and a $20 per doctor per visit copay .. its been a struggle trying to find the money to pay the $5,000 out of pocket expenses but so far no doctor has refused to accept partial payments from me .. it feels silly to only be able to pay $20 a month towards a $1,000 doctor bill, but i'm doing what i can to get the bills paid off cause i'd hate to leave these bills behind for my kids (sorry, baby tears here cause it bothers me so much) .. ANYWAY .. i've wandered off subject .. sorry ..
i spent 9 days in the hospital .. without seeing the bills from the doctors, just the hospital .. it has reached over $150,000 .. my portion (so far) is only $1,000 .. like i said, i am blessed to have excellent medical coverage but what do people do that have no coverage? it really helps me to step back and realize how lucky i am .. i even have a case worker with the medical insurance company that has been helping me figure out my benefits and makes suggestions on services that i qualify for .. i didn't know that a wheelchair could be covered by my insurance (it was supposed to be approved BEFORE i bought it) but she said if i get a prescription from my doc and a detailed receipt that i could be reimbursed up to $100 for the $300 chair !! where i come from $100 is $100 LOL i'll take it :)
on my progress with speech therapy, i finished one crossword and one crisscross .. most of the time its not too difficult but then i'll get "stuck" and have to put the books aside so i don't get too frustrated !! i can feel my reasoning and thinking skills getting better with each passing moment !!
update on physical therapy .. my endurance sucks lol i got a small set of 3 different "exercises" leg lifts, heel and toe lifts and rotation (stretching) of my feet and ankles .. baby exercises for sure but even those silly little exercises wear me out .. i only have to do a set of 5 for 3 times a day thankfully in addition to little exercises that i do to try to encourage feeling to return to my hands and feet .. mostly just tapping on my feet and hands, stretching, rotation, and using soft touch to get my hands and feet used to having feeling in them again
update on my radiology treatments .. they have this "mask" made of this hard white mesh that they made special for me to hold my head still during ratiation .. when the mask is on (very form fitting) i can't open my eyes or mouth .. its a very uncomfortable feeling not to be able to see or speak .. when they put the mask on yesterday and told me it would take 20 minutes, i kinda freaked out a bit and made them take the mask off .. hehe .. i surprised myself but not knowing i'd react that way .. so i took a few moments and got into a better, more relaxing head space .. took a few deep breaths and started humming to myself, basically blocking out what was going on around me .. i had a few shaky moments, but all in all, i was glad to be able to control my discomfort :)
so they decided NOT to start the actual therapy yesterday, they just finished up taking the beginning x-rays of my head .. the actual treatments scheduled (10 of them so far) won't start until monday .. and YES i'm way nervous !! but i'll deal with it !! but that means today i have the day off from any appointments !!! ::doing my little wobbly happy dance:: hehe i really just want to take the day off .. maybe i'll start reading my new sidney sheldon book as long as i don't get another headache
so much for a short journal entry eh? lol i hate it when i make a liar out of myself hehe
i have succeeded in giving myself a headache so i'm going to close for now .. i'm going to do one set of my exercises, make myself a quick breakfast and then see if i snagged any reruns for the Gilmore Girls or Judging Amy (currently my new favorite TV shows!!)
again, thanks for returning and sharing my head noise with me :)
my son went down and picked up my new glasses for me and they're driving me nuts !! i am SO not used to wearing bifocals lol
the bifocals have NO line so i can't really tell where i need to look through for the "close up" vision but i am feeling like its such a small part of the actual lens that i need to tilt my head back to be able to use the close up part of the lense
most times i forget, use the long distance part of the lense and wonder why i can't see close up hehe i can "see" this will be taking some getting used to !!
in the meantime, the new glasses are making me just a tad sick to my tummy so i'm trying to keep my reading to a minimum (at least for now) so this will probably be a short journal entry, i just need to make an honest effort to keep y'all updated as often as i can .. it broke my heart when my head was so confused that i couldn't figure out how to use AOL or to even get online .. all kinds of things got so messed up and i don't want that to happen again .. bless my sister Nancy who so generously gave up her time to keep my journaling friends updated on a regular basis .. you are a wonderful woman Nancy !!!!!
one of the benefits of having cancer is that i get to participate in being the recepient of cards and small gifts from an organization that calls themselves "chemo angels" !! (in addition to the heartwarming gifts and cards i've received from my journaling buddys!!) i have 2 angels that send me snail mail, small gifts, gifts for my cats, gift certificates, cards at least once a week .. it was initially very strange for me to be on the receiving end of such generousity (since before cancer i was the one volunteering my time to different organizations) it required that i learn how to accept generousity from perfect strangers and i will confess that i've gotten pretty good at accepting (hopefully gracefully) gifts from my friends and chemo angels :)
it appears word got out amongst the chemo angels (i'm not sure how it works exactly) about my surgery .. (was that YOU Erika? hehehe) and i have received at least a dozen cards and small gifts from other chemo angels (they usually put the words "angel mail" so i know that the cards are coming from chemo angels .. i plan on taking a picture of the cards (IF i can remember how) to in a very small way thank the wonderful people who have decided to brighten my life (cause they have certainly succeeded!!!) everyday is like christmas around here and i'm loving going to the mailbox and having something to open besides medical bills !!! i wonder if those ladies know how special they make me feel ::big smiles::
speaking of medical bills .. i have GREAT medical benefits .. my out of pocket per year is limited to $2,500 plus a portion of the prescriptions and a $20 per doctor per visit copay .. its been a struggle trying to find the money to pay the $5,000 out of pocket expenses but so far no doctor has refused to accept partial payments from me .. it feels silly to only be able to pay $20 a month towards a $1,000 doctor bill, but i'm doing what i can to get the bills paid off cause i'd hate to leave these bills behind for my kids (sorry, baby tears here cause it bothers me so much) .. ANYWAY .. i've wandered off subject .. sorry ..
i spent 9 days in the hospital .. without seeing the bills from the doctors, just the hospital .. it has reached over $150,000 .. my portion (so far) is only $1,000 .. like i said, i am blessed to have excellent medical coverage but what do people do that have no coverage? it really helps me to step back and realize how lucky i am .. i even have a case worker with the medical insurance company that has been helping me figure out my benefits and makes suggestions on services that i qualify for .. i didn't know that a wheelchair could be covered by my insurance (it was supposed to be approved BEFORE i bought it) but she said if i get a prescription from my doc and a detailed receipt that i could be reimbursed up to $100 for the $300 chair !! where i come from $100 is $100 LOL i'll take it :)
on my progress with speech therapy, i finished one crossword and one crisscross .. most of the time its not too difficult but then i'll get "stuck" and have to put the books aside so i don't get too frustrated !! i can feel my reasoning and thinking skills getting better with each passing moment !!
update on physical therapy .. my endurance sucks lol i got a small set of 3 different "exercises" leg lifts, heel and toe lifts and rotation (stretching) of my feet and ankles .. baby exercises for sure but even those silly little exercises wear me out .. i only have to do a set of 5 for 3 times a day thankfully in addition to little exercises that i do to try to encourage feeling to return to my hands and feet .. mostly just tapping on my feet and hands, stretching, rotation, and using soft touch to get my hands and feet used to having feeling in them again
update on my radiology treatments .. they have this "mask" made of this hard white mesh that they made special for me to hold my head still during ratiation .. when the mask is on (very form fitting) i can't open my eyes or mouth .. its a very uncomfortable feeling not to be able to see or speak .. when they put the mask on yesterday and told me it would take 20 minutes, i kinda freaked out a bit and made them take the mask off .. hehe .. i surprised myself but not knowing i'd react that way .. so i took a few moments and got into a better, more relaxing head space .. took a few deep breaths and started humming to myself, basically blocking out what was going on around me .. i had a few shaky moments, but all in all, i was glad to be able to control my discomfort :)
so they decided NOT to start the actual therapy yesterday, they just finished up taking the beginning x-rays of my head .. the actual treatments scheduled (10 of them so far) won't start until monday .. and YES i'm way nervous !! but i'll deal with it !! but that means today i have the day off from any appointments !!! ::doing my little wobbly happy dance:: hehe i really just want to take the day off .. maybe i'll start reading my new sidney sheldon book as long as i don't get another headache
so much for a short journal entry eh? lol i hate it when i make a liar out of myself hehe
i have succeeded in giving myself a headache so i'm going to close for now .. i'm going to do one set of my exercises, make myself a quick breakfast and then see if i snagged any reruns for the Gilmore Girls or Judging Amy (currently my new favorite TV shows!!)
again, thanks for returning and sharing my head noise with me :)
19 comments:
Those exercises you describe sound just like the ones they tell you to do on long flights to avoid Deep Vein Thrombosis, so keep them up. Although, in my world, its hard to understand how a word like "thrombosis" could ever be used to describe a bad thing.
-Paul
Don't over do it!
Missie
Wonderful to hear you being your optimistic self! Always here for you and your head noise! :)
Jackie
You are so upbeat and optimistic that it is hard to realize you are "sick". That great attitude is what is helping to heal you.
Keep up the good work
Sharon -
Hey Pam...it sounds like you do have wonderful medical coverage. I'm so glad you appreciate it too! You are so blessed in so many ways. Don't overdue it, but keep up the great exercises!
Love you...Pamela
You will adjust to the glasses - just give it a little time. Lots of people have trouble at first, and get dizzy from them.
Good luck with the new treatments!
xoxo
I had trouble with bifocals at first, too. And the fact that mine do have a visible line doesn't help. Part of the problem is that when you read a book, you look down slightly through the lower part of the lens, but when you read a computer screen, you look up or straight at it through the upper portion not meant for reading, so you tilt your head back to read through the "close up" magnification. You'll probably get used to them in short order. If not, and cost is not a problem, two separate pairs of glasses--one for reading and one for just "walking around"--may work better.
If your going to have to wear that mask for twenty
minutes for your rad treatment, maybe the doctor
can order you some sort of anxiety medication for
it. A lot of people get claustrophobic when confined
like that. I know I would!
Love you,
Connie
when I first got bifocals I went crazy! thought I would never get used to them, but I did. Love them. Mine has the lines but it was still hard to remember to move eyes from top to bottom.
take it easy on the exercise. don't over do.
happy to hear you are getting so much snail mail. I love sending cards to my aunts when they are sick or recovering from surgery.
sounds like you have great insurance. don't worry about how things will get paid. I worried when my aunt was in a nursing home and later died, and I found out that things just take care of themselves. I don't think you are going anywhere any time soon, in fact you'll live to be a chemo angel yourself.
Kathy
At first, my bifocals were a pain in the butt. I have the no line type as well. Now I function with them pretty well except for things that are just about arms length in front of me....like the computer monitor or piano music. I find myself tipping me head up and reading through the bottoms.
God bless Nancy for keeping us posted. It was SUCH a relief to find her message board and get regular updates on you.
j-land loves you....you know?!?!?!?
:)
I love your "head noise!"
That mask would make me hyperventilate! I would need to be sedated. I had to have some sort of lung test done once and they had to put this mask over my nose and my mouth and I wound up having an anxiety attack!
I have to wear glasses for reading. I am forever putting them on, taking them off, putting them on my head, taking them off, leaving them somewhere...you get
the picture!
I LOVE Gilmore Girls....and Judging Amy!
Jeanne
http://journals.aol.com/candlejmr/AJourneytoaNewMe/
Hi ! I am new to Journal reading! I can tell you , I just got bifocals myself and it does take a good 2 weeks to get used to them. i still have some trouble and it's been a month.
You are so very brave and amazing!
R.
Oh yeah, I forgot to say that I LOVE Judging Amy! I watch 2 episodes a day! I feel like they are my family! Hehe!
you simply amaze me stay strong {{{{{{Pam}}}}}}}}
Deb
It is good to hear you sound alittle chipper today. Hope the glasses get better for you. Hugs to your for your rough day with the "mask" I hope that you get used to it and feel more at ease the next time. I hope you have a relaxing evening and a good nights sleep. Hugs....TerryAnn.
Hey Wonder Woman!
You will get use to the bifocals. Some people need a couple of weeks. I started wearing them in my 20's! ackkkk
One day I put them on and they just worked. Your eyes will do their thing. They can make you nausous until your eyes focus correctly. AND BE VERY CAREFUL IF YOU ARE WALKING AROUND WITH THE BIFOCALS ON. That can be dangerous!
I hope you had a peaceful day:)
Love ya-
Niki
I'm way into the "Judging Amy" reruns, too... Lisa :-]
Pam I am delighted that you were up to making a long entry! OUR Pam is back and I am loving every word of it. Your insurance is awesome! When I had my heart surgery it wiped out my savings. Each test BEFORE the surgery ran me about a thousand in a copay. Good insurance is the same as salary to me. I put a tiny box in the mail for you. Hope you find comfort in what I sent. I am so glad that it's like Christmas for you! and the kitties! hehehe. I always sang in my head while I had radiation..it was the only way I could keep focused on relaxing. It was always the same, the Beatles Long and Winding Road. :) I am about to get bifocals and I know the adjustment will take time. Middle age. sheesh! :)
My hubby had trouble when he first got bifocals. You will have to learn to move your eyes downward to read. He complained about getting sick trying to read also. His glasses now have the reading part in the middle now as most of his work is done at reading level.
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