before i even begin, i want to know if my font is readable to y'all .. for some reason my font is so tiny i can't even read it so i just want to make sure the font is large enough for other people to read so please let me know ok?? (to me it appears to be a size 6 font but its supposed to be size 12)
oh now let me see .. where to begin ?!?! i swear starting some journal entries is so difficult, at least it gets easier as each word pours out !!
i had the visit from Ms JoJo, my home nurse and it went well .. it brings me comfort that she'll be "holding my hand" through the possible side effects of the radiation .. its sometimes confusing to know what i should or should not be concerned with and since i only see my radiology oncologist once a week, i am really appreciating the in home nursing service that my health insurance allows !!
i also had my second speech therapy session .. without fail, every single time i've ended up with a headache (i believe from the stress) .. we talk a bit and then Ms Eileen has me do word puzzles .. like find the word that doesn't fit, fill in the missing letters to find the names of states, countries, animals, etc .. oddly enough i am filled with relief when i complete a puzzle successfully .. i know they are on a very low skill level and i am still having some difficulty but every single day i am feeling like my brain is getting back to where i used to be !! i am also really excited to have tasks, games and processes to relearn .. it feels good to be moving forward with my thinking and reasoning (perhaps because its been such slow going recovering physically)
my new glasses have arrived and my son will be picking them up later on today !! i am hoping it will cut down on the number of eye migraines i've been having .. my order arrived from Barnes & Noble about 10 minutes before my speech therapy appointment (talk about perfect timing hehe) so she got me started on crossword puzzles and crisscross puzzles .. the books are at child level but anything more would probably do nothing more than frustrate me (which would not be a good thing lol) and i also received a Sidney Sheldon book in large print (can you believe they only have ONE of his books in large print still in publication?!?!) anyway, it feels good to kinda have a plan .. to be learning new hints and tricks to make my brain function a little better and to have some compensatory methods to use .. i have really learned a lot so far .. i had NO idea i'd be getting this much out of speech therapy !
physically, even though i've been regaining my weight (can you believe i'm up from 82 to 110 pounds and have just 28 pounds to go before i reach my original weight !!!) my endurance sucks huge .. a few minutes of physical exertion is all i can seem to manage and it is still really frustrating .. my fingers and feet are still numb and tingly, so i am missing any fine motor control .. i have learned to rely on scissors, knives, box cutters and my teeth lol there are times that i have to learn patience and will set something aside until i can get help .. this being dependant on someone for a physical task is a lesson in humility for me .. but i think its a good lesson eh? :)
my daughter dropped by (with her daddy) after her counseling last night !! it was really a wonderful surprise and i'm loving it hehe when her dad asked if there was something he could do for me, i actually said yes (usually its difficult for me to ask for help but i am so getting better and taking people up on their generous offers !) so he ended up walking to office depot to pick me up a few things (and oh so generously refused to allow me to reimburse him !!)
i've decided (i think) that i don't want to make major changes in my life .. without getting into too much detail that would just end up making me cry and feel sorry for myself, i am happy with the way i've led my life and really wouldn't make changes (except 2 changes) but what i'm trying to say is that i don't have this huge "to do" list, i have no major changes i feel i need to make in my personality .. i don't feel the need to rush in and make all these changes in my lifestyle .. BUT i saw this on Gilmore Girls and thought it was a good idea .. when Rory and her mom couldn't see each other because of their busy schedules, mom started writing little notes down to remind her of the things she had wanted to talk to her daughter about but couldn't because she wasn't there .. so i had my ex pick up some index cards and i've been writing little things i want to share with my kids .. i figure thats a happy medium that i can be happy with .. i don't want the pressure of feeling the need to write some important stuff that is my legacy to my children .. i figure if i haven't done something right by now, its probably too late :) but i do want them to know how happy i am and how blessed i feel (ok, this is too emotional for me right now and i really don't want to get into it)
i have my very first of 10 radiation treatments starting today at 11:30 .. i shouldn't feel ANY side effects yet (thankfully) !! at least i'm keeping my fingers crossed :) and then i have my 2nd physical therapy appointment at 3 pm .. Ms Nicky wanted me to venture outside today but i kinda beat her to the punch and made 4 trips outside yesterday to the garbage cans and mailbox !! little trips for sure, but i used my wheelchair to push along and it made me feel so much more comfortable rather than being out there on my own lol i did really well until i got to the mailbox and then turned around in time to watch the wheelchair go sailing across the street into the parking lot ROFL me, out there in my pj's, blocking traffic, waddling slowly across the parking lot to fetch my wheelchair hehe i HAD to laugh at myself and quickly learned why they have brakes on the chairs hehe
i had one of the best nights sleep so far!!! i went to sleep at midnight and slept until 2 am (just when my son arrived home) so we hung out together for about an hour .. then i went back to sleep at 3:30 and slept until 7:00 !! i tell ya, i am realizing how important getting enough sleep is .. i also need to learn to shut off my phones when i take one of my infrequent naps cause without fail the phone rings every single time i get to sneak a nap in (about once or twice a week) its just that i find myself being able to fall asleep and i'm not prepared for taking a nap (does that make sense?) its been so long since i've been able to fall asleep instead of feeling like i'm forcing myself to sleep .. i am happy that i can doze off now .. i love having silly little things that make my life easier :)
well its 9 am and i'm really hungry plus i want to call my mom .. my appointments started arriving about 45 minutes early yesterday and it really messed with my schedule .. the appointments (nurse and speech) really wear me out so i don't feel much like doing anything except eating and getting in some more rest .. that is probably one of the most difficult things to learn .. is when i need to stop my activities and rest .. i have always pushed myself, taking care of whatever business comes my way.. but i am learning to pace myself .. not to take on too much .. take it slow .. rest when i need to !!! i think these changes are pretty much all good things that i should have learned a long time ago so i'm happy !!!
oh now let me see .. where to begin ?!?! i swear starting some journal entries is so difficult, at least it gets easier as each word pours out !!
i had the visit from Ms JoJo, my home nurse and it went well .. it brings me comfort that she'll be "holding my hand" through the possible side effects of the radiation .. its sometimes confusing to know what i should or should not be concerned with and since i only see my radiology oncologist once a week, i am really appreciating the in home nursing service that my health insurance allows !!
i also had my second speech therapy session .. without fail, every single time i've ended up with a headache (i believe from the stress) .. we talk a bit and then Ms Eileen has me do word puzzles .. like find the word that doesn't fit, fill in the missing letters to find the names of states, countries, animals, etc .. oddly enough i am filled with relief when i complete a puzzle successfully .. i know they are on a very low skill level and i am still having some difficulty but every single day i am feeling like my brain is getting back to where i used to be !! i am also really excited to have tasks, games and processes to relearn .. it feels good to be moving forward with my thinking and reasoning (perhaps because its been such slow going recovering physically)
my new glasses have arrived and my son will be picking them up later on today !! i am hoping it will cut down on the number of eye migraines i've been having .. my order arrived from Barnes & Noble about 10 minutes before my speech therapy appointment (talk about perfect timing hehe) so she got me started on crossword puzzles and crisscross puzzles .. the books are at child level but anything more would probably do nothing more than frustrate me (which would not be a good thing lol) and i also received a Sidney Sheldon book in large print (can you believe they only have ONE of his books in large print still in publication?!?!) anyway, it feels good to kinda have a plan .. to be learning new hints and tricks to make my brain function a little better and to have some compensatory methods to use .. i have really learned a lot so far .. i had NO idea i'd be getting this much out of speech therapy !
physically, even though i've been regaining my weight (can you believe i'm up from 82 to 110 pounds and have just 28 pounds to go before i reach my original weight !!!) my endurance sucks huge .. a few minutes of physical exertion is all i can seem to manage and it is still really frustrating .. my fingers and feet are still numb and tingly, so i am missing any fine motor control .. i have learned to rely on scissors, knives, box cutters and my teeth lol there are times that i have to learn patience and will set something aside until i can get help .. this being dependant on someone for a physical task is a lesson in humility for me .. but i think its a good lesson eh? :)
my daughter dropped by (with her daddy) after her counseling last night !! it was really a wonderful surprise and i'm loving it hehe when her dad asked if there was something he could do for me, i actually said yes (usually its difficult for me to ask for help but i am so getting better and taking people up on their generous offers !) so he ended up walking to office depot to pick me up a few things (and oh so generously refused to allow me to reimburse him !!)
i've decided (i think) that i don't want to make major changes in my life .. without getting into too much detail that would just end up making me cry and feel sorry for myself, i am happy with the way i've led my life and really wouldn't make changes (except 2 changes) but what i'm trying to say is that i don't have this huge "to do" list, i have no major changes i feel i need to make in my personality .. i don't feel the need to rush in and make all these changes in my lifestyle .. BUT i saw this on Gilmore Girls and thought it was a good idea .. when Rory and her mom couldn't see each other because of their busy schedules, mom started writing little notes down to remind her of the things she had wanted to talk to her daughter about but couldn't because she wasn't there .. so i had my ex pick up some index cards and i've been writing little things i want to share with my kids .. i figure thats a happy medium that i can be happy with .. i don't want the pressure of feeling the need to write some important stuff that is my legacy to my children .. i figure if i haven't done something right by now, its probably too late :) but i do want them to know how happy i am and how blessed i feel (ok, this is too emotional for me right now and i really don't want to get into it)
i have my very first of 10 radiation treatments starting today at 11:30 .. i shouldn't feel ANY side effects yet (thankfully) !! at least i'm keeping my fingers crossed :) and then i have my 2nd physical therapy appointment at 3 pm .. Ms Nicky wanted me to venture outside today but i kinda beat her to the punch and made 4 trips outside yesterday to the garbage cans and mailbox !! little trips for sure, but i used my wheelchair to push along and it made me feel so much more comfortable rather than being out there on my own lol i did really well until i got to the mailbox and then turned around in time to watch the wheelchair go sailing across the street into the parking lot ROFL me, out there in my pj's, blocking traffic, waddling slowly across the parking lot to fetch my wheelchair hehe i HAD to laugh at myself and quickly learned why they have brakes on the chairs hehe
i had one of the best nights sleep so far!!! i went to sleep at midnight and slept until 2 am (just when my son arrived home) so we hung out together for about an hour .. then i went back to sleep at 3:30 and slept until 7:00 !! i tell ya, i am realizing how important getting enough sleep is .. i also need to learn to shut off my phones when i take one of my infrequent naps cause without fail the phone rings every single time i get to sneak a nap in (about once or twice a week) its just that i find myself being able to fall asleep and i'm not prepared for taking a nap (does that make sense?) its been so long since i've been able to fall asleep instead of feeling like i'm forcing myself to sleep .. i am happy that i can doze off now .. i love having silly little things that make my life easier :)
well its 9 am and i'm really hungry plus i want to call my mom .. my appointments started arriving about 45 minutes early yesterday and it really messed with my schedule .. the appointments (nurse and speech) really wear me out so i don't feel much like doing anything except eating and getting in some more rest .. that is probably one of the most difficult things to learn .. is when i need to stop my activities and rest .. i have always pushed myself, taking care of whatever business comes my way.. but i am learning to pace myself .. not to take on too much .. take it slow .. rest when i need to !!! i think these changes are pretty much all good things that i should have learned a long time ago so i'm happy !!!
thanks for sticking around and sharing my head noise with me :)
sending warm hugs to all my friends and family !!!
16 comments:
I did get a good chuckle out of a mental image of you shuffling off after your wheelchair! Bless you heart! Rest and let others do for you. It's hard but you are doing great!
Traci
You always brighten my day, Pam, when I read anything you write! You are so uplifting, and strong! You are one of my heros! Truly you are! I'm so glad that you are still able to write so beautifully! If I didn't know you were having problems from the brain surgery by what you have written here, I would never know at all. Your writing is still as perfect as ever!
My thoughts and prayers remain with you.. always.
Jackie
You can try the local library for other large print books. Save yourself a few dollars for some nice candles :)
xoxo
The font looks fine to me! Does your mouse have a wheel on it? If it does, here's a little trick...on most webpages, just click on the page then hold ctrl and spin the wheel to adjust the font size for that page. My then 10 month old figured that out for me after he somehow made the font microscopic!
It makes me happy to hear of all the progress you are making. Keep up the good work!!
Nicole
Pam,
The font doesn't seem like a 12 but it IS very easy to read, so don't worry about it!And your postings are so clear and concise, it is hard to think that you recently had brain surgery and have trouble with words!
I really admire your strength and determination, so much so that you are in my thoughts many times each day, and when I get tired or down I think of "Pam" and how she is spitting in the "eye" of cancer, and I find the determination to do what I am finding difficult. Which is nothing like what you are facing!
Love and hugs to you and yours,
HOLLY
I think a day as busy as your would wear anyone out!
;)
I'm glad to read that you are getting outside, if for nothing more than a trip to the mailbox (or chasing wheelchairs). It has to feel great to get out in some fresh air. I hope you're getting a little bit of spring out there....and some SUNSHINE!
xoxo
Kat
dingaling! LMAO Did you lose the chair when you hung up the phone? Ya left out that part. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa "Woman talking on cellphone,and taking trash out loses her wheelchair in traffic".....HAHAHAA!
Please turn that ringer/phone off when you are tired. That is a great idea. You need to get your rest baby. Matter of face, turn the damn thing off whenever you feel like it! I do it all the time. But I don't gots ccaanncceerrrrr. ;)
xoxoxo,
andi
Hey there! Always good to see you in good spirits.
I wanted to remind you of something I thought about last night. There was a man (I believe it was a man) who you met when you went to one of your chemo treatments (I wish I could remember where the entry was, but it was in your old journal in july-september). He was a patient too. He told you that the size of his tumor had been unchanged for a few years, but he was still going. Don't get me wrong! I'd love to hear that little tumor is quashed and thrown out the window, but I just don't want you to lose any hope.
Oh, and another thing! Humility is a tough lesson, but yes a good one! Someone had in their journal a while back, the 3 hardest things to say (maybe it was you? if not you, then someone else I read!) ... anyhow, the three things were: I love you, I'm sorry, and Help Me.
Sorry for the long comment! I should probably go make an entry in my journal!
I can just picture you going after your wheel chair! LOL
It is nice of your ex to run an errand or two for you.
Hopefully your new glasses will help stop some of the headaches you get when your speech therapist comes and has you working on puzzles.
Love your attitude. You amaze me.
kathy
I'm happy you are home, feeling better and living life, Pam. I really missed you when you were gone for awhile. :(
On a different note.. every time I get an alert via AOL that you've posted.. it says this:
Just One Girls ... day 272 before i even begin, i want to know if my font is readable to ... | Register a Wireless Device
Always the Register A wireless device which is a link, that leads me to some gobbly goop that I'm so not interested in lol.
Does this happen to anyone else?
Thanks... and God Bless You, Pretty Lady....
Lynn
what a good idea the note cards :) stay strong
Deb
You never fail to inspire me.
I am happy to hear that you are improving with yoru speech theropist. I can see you entry fine. Try to hold down the ctrl (key) and while holding it down use teh scoll on you mouse and print should get bigger when you scroll down or up. Hope the helps. I love the gilmore girls. I think you are quite a woman and am sure your children think so too. you have a great talent at expressing your self through writing. Takecare and hugs. Also.....Thankyou, for sharing your head noise with us. TerryAnn.
Good luck with the radiation today, you're doing well on the speech therapy. Your font is fine, I can read it quite well. Happy new glasses too. Rache
Hi Pam...I'm SO glad you are doing better! Your readers can increase the size of the font on their own by holding down the control button and using the little "wheel" on the mouse to make the font bigger or smaller. It's a neat trick.
Good idea on the note cards. I'm glad your ex is helping you out.
We love you! Pamela (LAnurseprn)
Dearest Pamela:)
Once again you have opened my eyes to all the "little things" in life that we take for granted. How such a simple thing can bring joy to us.
I believe we Americans are just too dang spoiled!
Thank you again for the insight,
Sleep well my friend-
Niki
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