day 265

::sigh::

i just got done reading about half the posts to my sisters group (http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/updateonpam/message) where she so kindly kept you updated on my condition .. then i got to the post where i was swept off to the hospital and they discovered i had 2 brain tumors

i kinda got too choked up to continue reading anymore .. i'd say hands down it has got to be the scariest thing i've had to deal with thus far in my journey .. looking back i can see where i should have known something was wrong .. all the symptoms .. i can only pray that the surgery and upcoming radiation "fix" whats wrong with my brain

this is so difficult to write about .. scared shitless .. thats what i am lol

so, change in subjects ..

my new glasses will be arriving in about a week !!  my adventure went smoothly .. my vision isn't as bad as all that, about 20/25 .. but its enough to make it extremely difficult to read without a magnifying glass .. my son and i had a good time picking out my new frames (i lead a sheltered life and get my fun where i can) hehehe

my ex-husbands wife, Suzan, has been a great help to me .. she worked in oncology for a few years and has agreed to take me to my appointment with the oncologist on friday afternoon .. since the original lung cancer didn't respond to the radiation and previous chemo, its time for plan D

i had hoped it wouldn't boil down to me being some guinea pig, but i think thats just whats going to happen unless they've come up with some miracle chemotherapy in the past few months ..

i have a busy day scheduled tomorrow .. a chiropractors appointment at 11 am; getting signed up with a home health care nurse who will visit me once a week at 12:30; physical therapy starts at 3 pm and the oncologist at 4:10 .. i'm trying to get the chiropractors appointment moved to today but its difficult since i have to rely on my son for a ride and he is still on hawaii time (sleeps until 2 pm) lol

i am so proud of the progress i've made so far .. you'd never know i underwent major brain surgery less than a week ago (i swear i can't figure out what happened on what day .. the days are kinda messed up lately) hehe

the doc has me on a prescription to prevent additional seizures, a prescription for pepcid (to protect my tummy) a steriod to control the swelling and vicodin .. the pain is mostly tolerable .. it waivers between incisional discomfort and headaches .. the headaches are the most difficult to tolerate .. it might be my imagination but they seem to get to me mostly at night when i'm trying to get comfortable .. i ended up popping 4 vicodin last night before it had an effect on the pain .. oh, i'm also on sleeping pills (restoril) .. hehe .. i have NO idea if anyone is interested in the drugs that i'm taking LOL 

i've gained a pound !!  103.5 pounds :)  the doc says the steroid dexamethasone, will effect my mood and my appetite .. i swear i must eat 8 meals a day .. its a wonder i haven't gained more weight .. last night i had a craving for kryspy kreme donuts (i had my son pick up a dozen donuts) and ended up nuking 3 glazed donuts hehe 

i almost feel good enough to start working again .. i am relieved that my head has cleared enough to be able to figure out what i'm supposed to be doing (i'm an accountant and have totally missed the year end closing on about 40 sets of books) .. i have NO idea why my employer has been as generous .. i guess 24 years of loyalty counts for something .. i am so relieved that a paycheck isn't something i have to worry about .. they are paying me even though i haven't done any work for a few months .. i am so grateful to them, they have no idea

i have a stupid question .. does anybody know if my hands and feet were numb before ?  as stupid as it sounds, i can't figure out if this is something new or something old .. i just know its frustrating trying to write or type .. so if anybody knows if i mentioned tingling in my feet and hands, i'd appreciate a reminder :)

on that note, i've done worn myself out !!  this is great exercise for me .. being able to sort out my thoughts .. and i'm finding the words are coming out better every single day !!

thanks for listening to my ramblings :)