day 264

so much has happened in the past few months, its difficult trying to figure out where to begin .. add the fact that i'm trying to type with numb fingers (a long term side effect from the chemo)

i need to thank my sister, Nancy for keeping y'all updated .. i still can't believe she'd take on that responsibility and i feel i owe her for keeping my friends updated (sorry, those aren't the exact words i want to use, but the words are not coming out the way i want them to)

my battle with brain tumors isn't over .. i had a 2 inch tumor removed and have a small inoperable tumor that remains .. monday i begin a series of radiation therapy (20 doses) there is a 30% chance that the tumor won't respond and will require additional radiation (referred to as "boosts")

friday i return to my oncologist office to figure out where to go from here .. my lung cancer hasn't responded to either the chemo or radiation .. the radiation had me so wiped out that i had to take a break and try to recover my strength .. it was then that the brain tumor started growing .. looking back, i was having side effects from the tumor which included the seizures, weight loss (i was down to 89 pounds), loss of balance (i kept falling down) .. and loss of strength and energy

i am keeping myself busy trying to find physical therapy that is covered by my insurance .. the doc also thinks i'll benefit from speech therapy .. so i've been trying to figure out my benefits and there are times that i become overwhelmed

i don't know if my sister Nancy told y'all but my son has moved back home to be with me .. he is taking a break from college (the university of hawaii) .. i get choked up every time i think about the sacrifices he's making for me .. he's taking care of me .. i am so proud of him, words can't begin to describe how i feel

oh, before i forget, i want to thank my chemo angel Erika for the flowers !!  i lost her email address so i couldn't let her know that i received the flowers yesterday .. thank you Erika :)

today i am going on my first outing .. i am going to get my eyes checked because i'm tired of not being able to see clearly .. Sears does the exam and only charges $65 (which i can afford) so i decided to throw caution to the wind the gather up the courage to go out in public .. my son will drive me and i'm scared to death .. i've decided to use the wheelchair i had my son buy me right before my 1st seizure .. i am nervous about going out in public when there is the chance that i'll have a seizure but they have me on medication to control the seizures (a side effect from the surgery and messing around with my brain)

oh, before i forget i've gained a lot of my weight back, weighing in at a whopping 102.5 pounds !!!  and i'm sore lol  i had no idea that i'd be this sore from simply moving around .. i am stiff and sore and you'd think i was working out instead of simply walking and moving around .. i can't wait until physical therapy starts hehe

well, i think i've done worn myself out by typing this little bit .. but i need to say one more thing .. thank you .. the support that i've received, the encouragement, words are failing me .. i can't begin to describe how much y'all mean to me .. i haven't quite figured out why i have so many friends who care so much about me but i've stopped trying to figure it out and i just want you to know how much your encouragement and support means to me (and i'm failing miserably at finding the words!) so THANK YOU  !!!!