day 277 - doing the happy dance !!!

ask me .. cummon and ask me !!!

ya KNOW ya wanna ask me why i'm doing a happy dance this morning !!! LOL

'member just a few days ago i was griping and moaning cause back in april 2004 and august 2005 i had decided to work on printing out a hard copy of my journals .. seriously i was up to at least a thousand pages (mostly there were so many pages because i was printing out the comments too)

i was going on and on about how frustrated i was because during my "unconscious brain tumor time" (for lack of anything better to refer to the 2 1/2 months i was so out of it i was sleeping 20 hours a day, not eating for days on end and being too weak to even open my mail or pay my bills) .. i had misplaced my hard copy of my journal .. it is one of those things that i have on my own to do list .. to get it organized just in case i really DO decide to pursue publishing a book of sorts .. perhaps its just a pipe dream, but hey !  allow a girl to dream eh !!!! hehe

i found my copies of my journal yesterday !!!!!

i can't believe i just kind of calmed down, got in a good head space, and went straight to the 2 places where i had stored the copies .. i swear i went straight to the copies just like they were never misplaced !

last night i decided to start finishing the copies and get them organized .. i have them in 3 inch binders indexed by year and month .. these journals are so important to me for a variety of reasons and i can't begin to explain how it would effect me if i couldn't pass my journals on to my children later on down the road

so far i had printed out July 23, 2003 (the beginning) through October 29, 2004 and June 23, 2005 (day 1 after cancer diagnosis) to September 19, 2005 .. i figure i have about 200 journal entries left to print and got a healthy start last night by printing out November 1, 2004 through April 3, 2005 !!  

my son happened to come home (around midnight) while i was still working on printing out my journal .. my kids have always been aware of the fact that i have been keeping an online journal for the last almost 3 years but they've never really shown any interest in reading it .. which i am really OK with .. i don't think i could be as open if i knew my 2 children were sharing so much of my pain .. (i usually do the protective momma thingand try to shield them from pain) .. and there are times that they would be hurt because they read something in my journal before they heard it directly from me .. so i've never really encouraged them to read it, but they ARE aware of it

not only are my children aware of my journals importance in my life .. but they understand how therapeutic writing has always been for me .. they know how much my journaling friends mean to me .. i share with them each "award" or recognition i've received from different places .. the post article, the awards last year and the first year .. the fact that i can google my own name and actually have articles found .. i am still in awe that people can pick up what i'm trying to express from my heart .. never once in my wildest dreams did i ever think i'd publish my journal publicly

but i wander off track with my thoughts hehe

so while i'm printing my journal out last night i hollared into my son and asked him if he could hear me .. i read him the journal entry i had written about the April Fool's Day trick he played on me last year .. http://journals.aol.com/his1desire/GirlsHeadNoise/entries/1121 and he surprised me by laughing out loud hehe

he told me that he was glad that i had written that down because he had forgotten about it !!  then he confessed to me that he really thought it had sounded like a good prank to pull but afterwards he felt so guilty for doing that to me .. and then it was MY turn to laugh and tell him that after pulling what he did, he DESERVED all the guilt LOL

and then i hugged him .. and i have a feeling he's going to appreciate reading my journal one day cause its filled with stories about my children that i never want to forget ::big big huge smiles::