day 276 - brain & rib rads begin !!

i'm exhausted but i want to keep everyone updated :)  i've learned how easy it is to "get behind" in updating my journal and i never want to get to that point again .. not only to update all my friends but it really does help me recall what i've done on a certain day .. and i can use all the assistance i can get with my spotty memory lol

i got up at 6 am, and promptly started my day by paying a few bills and organizing a few important lists .. i called mom for a bit (at least i think i did hehe) and had breakfast

i tried to shave my head (since i'll be losing what hair i have left) but quickly realized that my electric razor was not going to do the trick .. so i skipped that part and took my first full body shower since the brain surgery !!!  i didn't have enough energy to scrub down, but just letting the warm water run over my head was such a delight !!  it was so odd going from daily showers to sponge baths so i'm looking forward to having the strength to take daily showers again !!

i had my first brain rads and rib rads at 10:45 this morning .. i took an ativan prior (an anti-anxiety drug) so i didn't have any feelings of claustrophobia **mucho thanks for comment left that recommended that!)

my son had arrived home after 2 am sometime so i didn't have to worry about tracking him down and waking him up for our 10:45 appointment for radiation .. and yes, it does make it easier if he spends the night here when we have an early appointment !!  david, the technician, was asking if we could move the appointment to perhaps 3 pm, he'll check the schedule tomorrow, but my son was all for that !! 

other than the technicians running about 30 minutes late and a technical difficulty with the rib radiation machine, my first treatment went off without a hitch !!  david, my tech, was even gracious enough to snag a couple of pics of me just before my treatment began so i could share this part of my journey with you !!  i'm just a bit too tired to upload them today so please be patient with me :) 

while i was in treatment, my son ran a few errands for me, which of course included a new set of clippers so i can shave my head and not have to worry about my hair falling out !!!  now i just need to work up the courage again hehe

my ex-wife-in-law, Suzan (my childrens second mother, my ex-husbands wife) came over today after the radiation therapy at my request .. even though i had the "they have no cure" talk with my daughter 2 weeks ago, i had not yet had that talk with my son .. and i asked for her help and she agreed to do what she could .. she is the most awesome woman i could hope for the mother of my children and also used to work in radiation oncology !!  i'm lucky shes a part of my life .. we're all lucky :)

so we had the "talk" .. none of us fell apart .. i think part of my son already knew they didn't have a cure for me and my miracle was going to be that i am going to live with cancer .. but now he's heard it from me .. and i told him that even though we're gonna have some hard times, its gonna be ok cause thats the way i want it to be .. and he promised that if he needed to talk to someone, anyone, that he let me know so he doesn't go falling apart on me :)  i am trying so hard to always be aware of how much of this i put on his shoulders .. but i know, with all my heart, that he's taking care of me because he WANTS to .. and sometimes he gets grumpy .. sometimes i get grumpy .. but i'm loving the hell out of my son and the man he's grown up to be .. i REFUSE to ask "how much time do i have left" because that is NOT the way i am going to live my life .. i can't see me making any really drastic changes in my life (except taking care of the putting my affairs in order) i will want to know (of course) when i get a symptom that they can't "fix" or at least make tolerable, but i can't life my life as if i've been handed a death sentence .. how depressing ya know !!  i love my life .. i will continue to live my life with an appreciation of all that i've been blessed with .. my son kinda absorbed the information and then went back to sleep .. part of me wants to check in on him, part of me is hoping that if he needs ME that he knows  i'll be there for him too

Suzan had asked me about the possibility of my son joining her son for a memorial of one of their friends who passed last year .. he was a dirt bike riding buddy and the plan was to have a 2 day camping trip with dirt bike riding as a memorial .. my son had responded that he couldn't go this weekend because i had just started my radiation .. ::ain't that sweet?!?::

so i explained to Suzan that if my daughter could spend the weekend with me that it would be more than ok for my son to take off .. its just that since seizures are a possible side effect of brain radiation, i really don't want to be left alone for the entire weekend, a least for a few weeks ..

now for a few details on my radiation therapy .. i am receiving full brain photons .. one 22 second shot from the left side and the same dosage of 22 seconds aimed at the right side of my brain .. this is to insure (ensure) that my entire brain gets hit with these photons

since my left rib tumor is superficial, they are using electrons that only have to go through skin and not into any organs which is going to cut down any possible side effects since the treatment will also be superficial ((good news !!  good news !!))

i had my physical therapy at 2 pm, and i'm still shaky from that .. i honestly don't believe that i could be experiencing the side effect of "sleepy" after only one treatment but i'll find out tomorrow during my appointment with my doctor hehe  i think i'm just plain tuckered out :)

my favorite candles in the entire world arrived from oxyfresh . com this afternoon so i've got 2 burning right now !!  they are angel food scented and just have this way of putting me into a really good head space !!  of course i can't leave the room because of the possibility of cat vs candle but even though the rain is coming down by the bucketful (we've got a big storm rolling in tonight) i am completely enjoying my day because of a few silly candles LOL !!

i'm going to finally sit and relax for the rest of my day, enjoying the latest 2 episodes of Judging Amy that are on my dv recorder .. enjoying my candles, my kitties and knowing my son is here .. at home .. where it feels like he belongs right now :)

thanks for coming back to share my head noise with me !!!