Day 149

i just have a moment this morning .. my daughter came over last night and this morning i'm taking her to her aunt's hair salon where she works a couple saturdays a month

it feels like i spent the week topless, in physically uncomfortable positions while strangers drew all over me with felt tip pens in order to get me set up for my radiation therapy starting on monday (in addition to the stickers, 3 tattooed dots, a couple of "x marks the spot", i now have a drawing looking remarkably like florida between my breasts) .. i have to confess that its probably been the most stressed i've been since this entire mess was discovered back in june

what i've discovered (much to my chagrin) is that the tattoos they've placed under my arms and in the middle of my chest are aligned with the red laser lights from the radiation machine so that the radiation is directed towards my tumor and lymph nodes .. and it is necessary that i  be NUDE from the waist up in order to complete the alignment .. tuesday i walked out of radiation oncology noticing (hey, i may be old but i'm still a woman!!) the two very young, good looking male radiation technicians, thinking to myself "well, i'm glad i have female technicians" only to arrive friday to realize they've changed my technicians to guess who?

i must have been blushing all shades of red having these two young attractive men remove the sheet from my chest, peering closely at my chest, moving closer until their eyes are mere inches away from my chest, close enough i can feel their warm breath .. and i manage to whisper "ok guys, this is so embarrassing" .. to which one replies .. "don't worry, this is all medical to us" .. like THAT was supposed to make me feel better !?!?!?

i am not so old, nor so sick that i can't remember a time that i would lay topless in front of a male and it had AN AFFECT !!!  this really was humiliating .. and they've got me signed up 5 days a week for the next 6 weeks .. sheesh

since i decided to do the last week on my own .. i didn't get the benefit of the anti-anxiety pills or pain pills (until AFTER the appointments) and then, depending on how much office work i had to get done in the few hours left of the day where i felt i could function properly

a couple of times last week, i'd arrive home, stiff and sore from laying on the xray table for 2 hours, pop a pain pill, get comfy in my bed, only to have my phone ringing off the hook for the entire afternoon, employees needing assistance or direction on a few issues that have come up at the office .. they apologize for "bothering me" and i apologize for being out of it and doped up and not thinking clearly

the wonderful part of the week was my long awaited appointment with my chiropractor of 25 years .. i have to admit that after knowing her this long, she really does feel more like a friend than a mere doctor .. and i gotta tell you, Dr Nancy knows her stuff .. within minutes i could actually breathe easier and it felt like i could take deeper breaths, stand taller and the tension in my neck was relieved .. i'm going to be making another appointment for next week, hopefully to tune up the rest of my back .. its amazing when a doctor can do something and you can feel the effects immediately .. i walked out of her office feeling more energized than i've felt in weeks

the best part i think, after i thanked Dr Nancy for arranging for me to make payments, she handed me an invoice that says "balance due ZERO" .. and then i got a pretty terrific Dr Nancy hug :)

and in response to Kathy's question "will you still have your chemo angels?" .. the answer is YES .. because (lucky me) in addition to the daily radiation, i get weekly chemotherapy on wednesdays .. but instead of being the 8 hour chemo, every 3 weeks, it will be 2 or 3 hours, at a much lower dosage than before

i am so hoping that i'm going to be feeling normal on thanksgiving this thursday .. i've got my daughter promising to cook dinner and i've invited my niece, nephew and sister to spend the day with us .. i'm not sure yet if they can make it over the hill, but i have a feeling my daughter is not going to be able to pull off cooking the entire meal by herself, regardless of her priceless intentions lol

i've got a couple of pictures here to show the markings necessary to get me hooked up for my radiation therapy .. not pretty by any means .. not exactly the kind of pictures i ever believed would be posted of me on the internet hehe .. but here i am during different stages of the preparation for the radiation simulation last friday