cheating? more radiation oncology

is this cheating? merely moving my journal to aol.uk where the install to add advertising banners to personal journals hasn't occured yet?

so spank me .. when i was interviewed by The Washington Post it was because i was one person who "blogged for therapy" .. and i've been needing some therapy lately

moving from chemotherapy to radiation therapy has taken its toll on me emotionally as well as physically .. it was discovered during the bone scan done on July 7th, that i have arthritis in my neck, which would explain why i've been in so much pain/discomfort since i stopped going to my chiropractor over a year ago .. when she doubled her fee, even with insurance, i was no longer able to afford the two visits a year that kept me free from headaches

since the 4 mm mass was recently discovered on the left side of my brain, the question "are you suffering from recent headaches" suddenly takes on new significance

i decided it was time to spend my hard earned money, scrimping wherever i could, but it was time to visit my chiropractor .. but prior to making an appointment, i wanted to find out if she would consider accepting payments from me .. she's been my chiropractor for almost 25 years and never before have i not been able to afford her services .. and no, she had NO idea i'd been recently diagnosed with cancer .. so when she replied "pay me whatever you can afford, even $5 when you can, don't worry about it" really eased some of the stress i'd been feeling .. so tomorrow afternoon i have a MUCH needed appointment to see my chiropractor :)

tuesday was my first hands on appointment with radiation oncology .. i was so nervous .. nauseous, light headed, shaky .. my blood pressure was so high i had a very hard time hearing anybody speaking to me (when one of the technicians called out "i like your hat", i thought he said, "i like your TAT" and i was confused wondering how he knew i HAD a tattoo (if you're reading this Dee, i've gotten dozens of compliments on my chemo caps !!!)

after making me wait 30 minutes past my appointed time, the nurse went through a dozen documents, reading each one to me (heads up folks, i'm a visual person, NOT auditory in the least, so 99% of what she read to me went in one ear andout the other) all i remember from spending 30 minutes with her was that for the next 2 months i am not to use soap on my chest and i needed to buy aloe vera gel for when my skin starts reacting to the radiation

then two technicians led me to an xray room, stripped me naked from the waist up, laying on a hard glass table, arms above my head, proceeded to draw on me with a felt tipped pen, verified their markings with xrays, had the xrays verified by a physician and then made their felt tip marks permanent with 3 "tattoos" located in the middle of my chest and under both arms .. the tattoos were so tame compared to what i've endured with my real tatts .. mostly it was the discomfort, the muscle spasms from laying on the hard surface for almost an hour .. having muscle spasms, my arms going numb and not being able to move isn't my idea of a good time (hahaha) .. but mostly i think it was facing the unknown, alone ..

so far, thankfully, during each change in direction of my treatment, i've had somebody to hold my hand .. this one, except for the first appointment last friday, the radiation therapy, i'm beginning alone .. i think when i go with someone, have someone at my side, i'm stronger .. i think i hold it together for THEM .. cause i fell apart on tuesday, during my appointment, something i am not inclined to do

today i had the CT (or CAT) scan done .. it was done by the same technician as yesterday but with 5 assistants this time instead of one .. i even had a registered nurse (a tech can inject the contrast into my arm, but only a registered nurse can access my medi-port) at least this scan went quickly .. it was getting all my little marks lined up with the laser and then sticking the bb's onto the other stickers they'd placed on my chest to give the radiation techs landmarks in the xrays that took most of the time .. but thankfully, between the chiropractor visit tomorrow and the pain pills, i should be able to endure laying on hard flat surfaces for the next 6 weeks

we have a stimulation radiation therapy session set up for friday morning .. they say it takes about 20 minutes and again, its done for verification of the marks and also the stuff generated from the computer that was compiled from all my scans, reports and xrays

then, i believe, sometime next week, i start my daily radiation therapy

i have a lot more going through my head but my head is also killing me, my hands and arms are numb and my shoulders feel like a ton of bricks has been sitting on them .. time for a pain pill and some rest and relaxation .. it sounds like just what the doctor ordered :)