i'm not quite sure if i have the energy to finish this entry but i do know if i don't write stuff down that i forget .. so here i go .. nothing fancy .. just plain too tired
i had mentioned the baby bump right above the tumor on my left rib .. this isn't under my arm so much as just a few inches above my tumor on my rib so there is no way its a lymph node .. i got in to see dr raymond and he asked me if it hurt or if it bothered me .. i said no to both .. its just there .. he said around their office if something doesn't hurt or bother the patient, they don't worry about it .. i can do that as long as this isn't the tumor thats going to kill me .. he reassured me that in the scheme of things, this bump is really minor ::big smiles::
my numbness in my fingers and hands seems to be changing .. less numb at times .. then back to the typical level of numbness .. i really like my hands being less numb .. it makes me feel more normal :)
this tumor that appeared on my left rib is causing less pain !!! i stopped using the morphine patch and i'm popping about half the vicodin that has been prescribed .. thats good news hehe
i've been on steroids since my surgery (to reduce brain swelling and elimiate seizures) and now they've begun to wean me off the drug .. its a 3 week process where i reduce the amount of the drug by 1 mg a week .. i am (i think) already feeling less of the side effects since tuesday (which is also a good thing!!) i actually had one morning where i had more energy than i've had for awhile .. i think i overdid it on that day and now i've decided to take it easy so i don't use up too much energy in one day :)
i am nervous about being weaned off the steroids .. even though i don't want to take them any longer than necessary, its probably that i'm nervous about having more seizures if i'm no longer taking the meds .. i'm keeping my fingers crossed !!
today, if all goes well, is the last of my 10 radiation treatments .. i hope 10 is enough .. i suppose they're gonna run a few tests and scans just to make sure the tumors are gone .. ::big sigh::
monday i'm turning the big 5 0 !!! i decided that i wanted to be treated to a massage package at my favorite day spa which is right next door to my office just a few miles away .. i'm a bit nervous about being away from home for 2 hours, but i'm really looking forward to being spoiled !!
here's the description of the package that i decided on ...
"Head to Toe Revival ..
i had mentioned the baby bump right above the tumor on my left rib .. this isn't under my arm so much as just a few inches above my tumor on my rib so there is no way its a lymph node .. i got in to see dr raymond and he asked me if it hurt or if it bothered me .. i said no to both .. its just there .. he said around their office if something doesn't hurt or bother the patient, they don't worry about it .. i can do that as long as this isn't the tumor thats going to kill me .. he reassured me that in the scheme of things, this bump is really minor ::big smiles::
my numbness in my fingers and hands seems to be changing .. less numb at times .. then back to the typical level of numbness .. i really like my hands being less numb .. it makes me feel more normal :)
this tumor that appeared on my left rib is causing less pain !!! i stopped using the morphine patch and i'm popping about half the vicodin that has been prescribed .. thats good news hehe
i've been on steroids since my surgery (to reduce brain swelling and elimiate seizures) and now they've begun to wean me off the drug .. its a 3 week process where i reduce the amount of the drug by 1 mg a week .. i am (i think) already feeling less of the side effects since tuesday (which is also a good thing!!) i actually had one morning where i had more energy than i've had for awhile .. i think i overdid it on that day and now i've decided to take it easy so i don't use up too much energy in one day :)
i am nervous about being weaned off the steroids .. even though i don't want to take them any longer than necessary, its probably that i'm nervous about having more seizures if i'm no longer taking the meds .. i'm keeping my fingers crossed !!
today, if all goes well, is the last of my 10 radiation treatments .. i hope 10 is enough .. i suppose they're gonna run a few tests and scans just to make sure the tumors are gone .. ::big sigh::
monday i'm turning the big 5 0 !!! i decided that i wanted to be treated to a massage package at my favorite day spa which is right next door to my office just a few miles away .. i'm a bit nervous about being away from home for 2 hours, but i'm really looking forward to being spoiled !!
here's the description of the package that i decided on ...
"Head to Toe Revival ..
Our most popular package. A full body massage melts away all your tension using a blend of aromatic essential oils. Then our Aroma+ facial cleans, conditions, and exfoliates your skin, ending with a warm mask and a delightful foot massage. An incredibly luxurious and pampering experience.
Please reserve about 2hrs."
ask me if i'm looking forward to the treatment on monday !!!
well it appears that i've done run out of energy for awhile .. i was hoping to be able to write more but i am still fatigued easily .. maybe i'll take a nap before i head off to my rad treatment at 3:30
280 comments:
1 – 200 of 280 Newer› Newest»I haven't commented much recently, but I want you to know that I am still here. I am still reading your every word. Hugs and kisses.
-Paul
Hope you enjoy your Spa Day!! Relax and take complete advantage of all that pampering! You deserve it!!
Hugs,
Jackie
Pam,
Enjoy your day at the spa! What a great way to turn 50!!! Enjoy every minute of the pampering...you deserve it. ANd, know that you are being showered with prayers from here....
be well,
Dawn
Hi Pam,
I have just seen your recent photos...you are in spite of all your chemo and stuff...a very beautiful woman..how do you manage it?? The spa sounds just the thing you need. After all the hammering your body has had a little pampering and soothing should do it a world of good. As for 50 its no big deal.....Jane Fonda, Sharon Stone, Kim Catrell they are much sexier, better looking now at 50 than they ever were...and with your cheekbones and eyes you'll be knocking them dead for a long time to come. Have a wonderful time at the spa.
Poppy
Congrats on ending the radiation treatments! I am sure that is a load off your mind.
Enjoy your spa day. It sounds delicious!!
xoxo
ohhhh, You are going to have such a GOOD birthday Pam. We want to hear all about it too. Much Love, Anne
Aww that sounds nice! I will be thinking of you Monday and I will be totally jealous! Enjoy it!
Leslie
you really deserve the whole treatment!!! Happy birthday!
Becky
Happy Birthday Pamela! Enjoy your spa treatment!
You will even more gorgeous after your birthday massage at the spa, wish we could be with you to enjoy it ourselves and share your big "50" with you, dear.
Dr. Raymond didn't seem to concerned about the baby bump, put your faith in him since he isn't too worried about it. Know you are concerned about going off the steroids, but doing it slowly like you are will allow you to see or feel any changes that will take place and hopefully this treatment will have helped you with your seizures. You hang in there dear. Always in my special thoughts are you..AJ
A birthday massage sounds wonderful!
Missie
Spoil yourself rotten girl!
Happy Birthday!!!
Hey Pam
Going to a Day Spa sounds fabulous! There is nothing like the feeling of being pampered. Have a great day darlin... :) ((((HUGS)))))
Love, Carly :)
Happy Birthday early :)
Deb
Happy Birthday and enjoy getting pampered!!! :)
penny
Pam I am so glad to see that so many things are beginning to look up for you, you definitely deserve it!
Happy birthday ...... You are most absolutely are right, you need a pampering day at the spa!
Theresa
Happy Early Birthday Pam!!!!!!
Enjoy your spa package ~ what a dream =)
Hope you have a great weekend!
Hugss ~Terri~
I'm so glad you got a spirit lifting report from the Dr about the new lump and I know you will get the same about the radiation treatments. Enjoy your day of pampering......it made me smile just thinking how wonderful it will be for you. Enjoy every moment!! My thoughts are always with you.
All My Hopes & Prayers........
Pooh Hugs,
Linda~
Great news about the lump. Hope you have a wonderful and relaxing time on Monday. The big 50, I had mine about a year ago and it was wonderful. I don't feel it and I just am happy I have made it this far. :) Huge birthday hugs!
happy birthday Pam!! Hope you enjoy your spa day!!
your appetite may reduce some with the reduction of your steroids. I've been on them for 2 years , you have to reduce VERY slowly...
Rene'
Pam, it's so great to be reading you again! Dummy me has been waiting on updates from the journal your sister Nancy made for us to keep track of you while you were "out-of-service", lol. I'm finally caught up with your happenings and boy, it sure sounds like you've had your hands (and gut) full. Praise God for your kids and family. You guys (all) remain in my prayers. You're sounding great....even in the down times. Just keep posting. God bless you....Boo (BooDotte)
I wish I was joining you for the massage treatment! Little sister hugs to you... but BIG sister love
Nancy
Angel Girl...
Thanks for sharing! Glad it is nothing! Glad you are also going to pamper yourself! Get your nails done if you can too. Feeling pretty is great! I think I'll go get mine done also. Rest up girl. I have a feeling Monday will have something special in store for you.
Enjoy your "Head to Toe Revival"! Jae
No doubt the road to recovery is often times just as bumpy as the illness itself. Glad that itty bitty baby tumor is no big deal.
Enjoy your day spa spoiling. I say that with longing because I can never know such enjoyment and relaxation. I'm soooo ticklish that I can't handle anyone touching me like that. Heck, I barely stopped laughing long enough to make my 5 babies!
Hey Pam! I would never tell any of the guys on the FD with me... but I've been known to get a massage or two myself after a big fire.. lol. If theres anyone in need of one ot sure is you.Im sure I would never hear the end of that. Still thinking of you and glad to hear things are getting a little better for you.
http://journals.aol.com/brimasta1/BecomingaFirefighter/
Brian
good news about the baby bump, and the numbness too. maybe it will begin to subside regularly from now on. yay! you enjoy your day monday ~~ 2 HOURS at a day spa!!! sounds like heaven on a comfy table, lol. how wonderful!!!
xo phinney
Pam .... I hope your 50th birthday is a great one, and that the 'head to toe revival' is just what you've been hoping for. Enjoy it ! All the best, Tina
Happy Birthday, Pam.
Love and prayers,
http://deabvt.blogspot.com/
V
Dearest Pam~That BDay present to yourself sounds perfect! Happy Birthday to you!!!! "Ya just can't keep a good gal down!" Your strength of spirit is much admired! Hope you notice all the flowers this Spring--they're all saying, "Pam is beautiful!" <<<<This is not original--I am sharing something that my honey says to me...Blessings sweet lady, Deb (Sassy) ;-)
http://journals.aol.com/SassyDee50/SassysEYE
love the fact the bump is minor!!!!!!!!
coming off drugs is always scarier than going on them in my opinion.
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Dear Pam, Happy Birthday to you!! Enjoy the royal treatment, a liitle cake also. You are amazing. Kelly
::monday i'm turning the big 5 0 !!! ::
HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY!
Yipee YeeHaw!
Enjoy your day at the spa, relax and put yourself in their care. Have a great day Pam, and as always, you remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Blessings,
Lynda aka Auntie Lyn
Happy Birthday, Pam! Love you to bits! Hope your day is lovely and you enjoyed your spa!
Hey, Pam .... HAPPY FIFTIETH BIRTHDAY ! I hope you had a beautiful day, filled with love and laughter .... and a good spoiling at the spa. Enjoy ! Tina
Happy Birthday to you...I do hope that your package was a royal treat.....I hope that you are doing okay...YOu have been so tired....I hope that you get some much needed rest...takecare, friend...TerryAnn.
Hope you enjoyed you day at the spa. Sounds fantastic.
Happy belated Birthday!
Love ya-
Niki
Happy belated Birthday!! Hope you enjoyed your day. Sheila
Sorry I am late in wishing you a happy birthday...hope you had a good one!
Happy belated birthday, Pam. Thinking about you often and keeping your recovery in my prayers.
Hi Pam
I am tinking of you today and everyday...sending you good thoughts and love.
Always, Carly
Happy Belated Birthday, Pam. I'm thinking about you today..like always. ~Peachy
YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS AS USUAL.........AND HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY..............FROM ANOTHER CENTURIAN, LOL.
BLESSINGS PAM,
REGINA
Hi Pam!
You look so cute in your new jammies! :) Yes, steroids can make you hands feel large and numb. You do have to be weaned off it. I always get the "moon face" too, and my side effects were arthritis and firbromyalgia symptoms that didn't go away. The only thing that helps me is my AgelessXtra and Regenicare.
Your birthday spa sounds soooo wonderful! Enjoy every minute of it...You Deserve It!!!
Have a Blessed Easter and Happy Birthday!
Big Hugs
Darlene
***cross posted from Pam's update group****
We hadn't heard from Pam since the 9th... mom doesn't like to call her, in case she's sleeping, usually she waits for Pam to call every day.
We called her this morning, and got no answer on her cell phone, so we called her house phone later in the afternoon.. Pam answered, but she just said that she didn't feel good at all and didn't want to talk..
so lots of prayers are needed right now... I went through Pam's Journal and put all her pictures on CD, at least from the diagnosis on, so that mom could see them... it was pretty emotional.
I'm pretty worried right now.. but then it's out of our hands, right?
so why worry... I just gotta keep remembering that whatever happens in life it may look like chaos and confusion, but someone has a master plan. It's just not mine.
Sorry it's not better news.
Nancy
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/updateonpam/
just got the update from your sister.
i hope that you will be feeling better soon.
praying for you.
Happy Easter,
Kathy
Pam this Easter you are in my special thoughts and prayers as you are every day dear. Hope that you feel better soon dear....never met you, but as a journal friend find that you are a special friend I care about in my heart. May God wat h over you always......Love, AJ
A special thanks to Nancy and family for keeping us posted and want all of you to know you also are in my special thoughts.
I just checked Nancy's updates. After not seeing an update from Pam for a while, I started to get worried about her and checked further.
I am hoping Pam is getting all of the rest she needs and that the rest will help her regain her strength and her energy and that she'll be back to posting soon.
Whatever the case, Pam and Nancy and ALL of the family are in my thoughts and prayers today, Easter Sunday.
Oh, and a HAPPY 50TH TO PAM!
Jeanne
My sister Pam passed away today.
I don't have other information, as to exactly when, or anything else, her ex husband called my sister Susie about an hour ago to let her know.
She is at peace now, she's not in pain, she doesnt hurt. We who loved her are the ones who are suffering now, and i know that my life is better for having had her in it, so the pain even can be appreciated, That I hurt because she was my sister, and I got to love her, and be loved by her.
She told me a couple years ago, that all she wanted out of life, was to touch one person, and make a difference in someone's life. Then she would know that she was a success. The last time that she and I had a long conversation was about 2 weeks ago. And she KNEW that she was a sucess. That she has touched so many people, made a difference in so many people's lives. She knew the end was very near, and she was scared, but she knew that she had accomplished what she had set out for herself as her life's goal. How many of us can say that?
Hug your sisters, your friends, your loved ones. Tell them what they mean to you, and how they've touched your life. Let them know while you can. Life is so short.
Thank you all for your words, and prayers. Knowing that there are people all around the world who are grieving for her as we are is a great comfort to us.
Thank you all
Nancy, Betty & Keith
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/updateonpam/
I am so sad to hear about Pam's passing. Her family is in my heart, thoughts and prayers.
God Bless,
Kathy
I'm so sorry to hear of Pam's passing. Your family is in my prayers.
Pamela
My prayers for Pam's family, most of all her children, her siblings, and her mother. I pray you feel God's love and grace with you everyday.
Pamela touched everyone. She will never be forgotten in this community. Her reach of love went around the world and of all of us who were blessed to feel her presence, we reach back to her family...her daughter, her son, her family and we hold each of you with love, compasion and tears.
Pamela~ You knew what you meant to me. Thankfully I was able to tell you last week how very much I loved you. I will forever love you and be grateful that you were in my life.
With all my heart,
Peachy
God bless you all, none of us who read her journals and struggles will ever forget Pam, one very special lady, that she was. We are loved her.....AJ
Pamela, you were an angel on Earth and I am so thankful for the time we were given with you. Your loving spirit and incredible strength will never be forgotten.
My thoughts are prayers are with you all in your time of loss. I'm at a loss for words, she will me missed so much.
God Bless,
Shelly
Pam will be so missed in this community. She was such an inspiration to us all. She was one of the bravest, kindest people I ever had the good fortune to meet. I can't find the words to express how this makes me feel... Sad just doesn't seem to cut it. I will be keeping all her family, especially her children, in my thoughts. Thank you Nancy for letting us know.. and for the yahoo group...
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind
http://adventuresofaneclecticmind.blogspot.com
Pam
I will miss you forever darlin...but forever you will be in my heart.
Love, Carly
I'm sorry to hear of Pam's passing. My prayers are with her family.
God rest her beautiful soul.
Angela
The first picture on Pams last entry shows it all. Beautiful.
My heart and thoughts are with your family today Pam, we'll miss you very much here.............
Rebecca
It has been a delight getting to know you Pam...and I will never, ever forget you.
If you meet my sister Meg there....get to know her, you'll love her. I know she'd think you were awesome....as do I.
Love always....
Kat
PS...to Pam's family....I feel your loss deeply. She was an incredible inspiration to many and will be missed. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
My sincerest condolences to the family. Pam is a guardian angel now for every cancer sufferer in the world.
~ Susan
http://journals.aol.com/njmom72/TheStrawberryPatch
I'm so sorry to hear this terribly sad news......Pamela's family ~ you have my deepest sympathies, and my thoughts are with you at this time of your loss.
hugs Debbie ~xx~
http://journals.aol.com/debbiewebb4465/TheLifeTimesofanEssexGirl
i'm so sorry to hear about pam's passing. my prayers are with her family and her friends.
Emily
I have no words
Becky
God plays dirty.
I just spoke with Pam's ex, Nelson, and he filled me in on what happened today.
Nicky, my nephew was with her, around noon. She stopped breathing. He called 911, and did CPR til the paramedics got there. They were unable to revive her, and she was pronounced dead at home. The police decided because of the circumstances, that no investigation or coroner were needed, and she was left in the care of Nelson and Suzan, her ex-wife-in -law. She was picked up by the funeral home about an hour ago, and Nelson is going down there tomorrow to make the arrangements for her memorial service. Per her wishes, she will be cremated, and I will post the details of the service, should anyone who is close enough to come wants to attend.
I accidentally deleted a bunch of members from her update group today, I am so sorry, my mind is not right at this time. Please check to see if you were deleted, and I am really really sorry.
I will cross post this in her Journal.
Nancy
I just wanted to say that I don't believe that God plays dirty. I can't believe that. I think this cancer was more pain then she could bear, and she is now out of pain and at peace. Don't give up hope... don't give up faith. Please.
Until we meet again....
pam - always you will be in our hearts, your smile in our memories.
always
xo phinney
Pamela
Your heart, your intelligence and your strength will always be remembered here and I know to those close with you...
God Bless you...
Jodi
you will be deeply missed. nettie
May you finally be free, free of it all in the hands of God's love.
~V~
to pams family i am so sorry, to pam till we meet again
Deb
Pam, you were one of the bravest people I've had the pleasure of knowing (even if through writing). Until we meet again, my friend...
To Pam's children: I'm so sorry. Your Mom is one of the best! I'm sure you both knew it better than anyone, too. I hope you both come to find peace. She is in good hands on this Easter...
My thoughts and prayers with the family.
Cat
Pam made such a difference in the lives of many - she will be greatly missed. My thoughts and prayers to the family.
Martha
I am so glad to have been given a chance to know Pam. She is an example of what true courage is.
God Rest your soul, sweet Pam.. You will be missed here in JLand, but now you are free.. Free of pain, and hurt and fear.. Free to fly with the angels! You were and will always be my hero. You inspired me with your humor and optimism. There just are no words for the pain in my heart..
My prayers are with your children and your family...
Rest in peace dear Pam..
Jackie
We will miss you, Pam. Your life wasn't as long as we would have wanted, but you were an overwhelming success. Bon voyage... Lisa :-]
To Pamela's family: Words aren't enough to convey how sorry I am for your loss. My thoughts will be with you in this time.
Pamela: Most of our conversation was limited to the message boards. I am the most horrible commenter, so I basically lurked here at every entry, and even when there wasn't a new one. When I needed a great source of inspiration, I would come here. There are so many things about you that are amazing, and I hope that you are happy and at peace where you are, and I know you are looking down on all those that you touched, and smiling warmly at us.
Love,
Kell
Goodbye Pam. We'll all miss you and we were all better for having you in J-Land. You'll continue to inspire. Love and Hugs, Dawn
God rest your beautiful soul~
There is a support Chat going on now and for a few days, we hope. SOmewhere people can go:
Life: Friends of Pamela
**Andi
My thoughts and prayers to the family during this sorrowful time. May you find comfort in knowing she is with you all and forever will be.
She passed away on Easter Sunday. How fitting that she entered her new, pain-free, and healthy eternal life on that day. From all I have read and heard about her, she was a fabulous woman who was made of "the right stuff" and touched many people.
My sympathy and prayers are with her family. And to Pam...I just wish I had known you. You sound like a winner in every sense of the word.
I stumbled upon Pam's journal last August, having just learned that my own Mother was dying of the same disease. I, being her only child for 43 years, was devastated, of course, but Pam's journal was somewhat of an inspiration to me-she had options and she took every single one of them, whereas Mom did not have ANY by the time of her diagnosis. We lost my mom in February-Pam reminded me a lot of my Mom..spunky, full of life, go down fighting...
My sincere condolences and sympathy is with your family now, Pam, and just liek Mom..."The most beautiful flowers fade away, but in Heaven, they bloom forever"
Deb in KY
My deepest condolences to friends and family. May you find the strength to help you through this time.
Pam.... You will be missed more than words can say. You're in God's secret garden now, pain free.
hugs
d
My heartfelt sympathies to all of you.
Dianna
J-land lost a beautiful soul today who touched many hearts and lives....and God gained a beautiful angel.
My He comfort you during this time of sorrow...
Your family is in my thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time.
God Bless.
Julie
Pam touched the lives of many, a beautiful person will always be remembered. My heartfelt sympathy for her family. Rest well Pam, you were always a special lady. Rache
My thoughts and prayers are with the family
during this trying time...May God give you all the
strength and courage to get through this.
Pam was a true inspiration to me, as well as many other
jlanders... I am so glad i had the chance of meeting her(journaling)...
She was one the the strongest most courageous people i know.
We love you Pam and will miss you dearly! <3
Hugss..~Terri~
Pam touched my life in a special way. God led me to her journal when I was having such a hard time dealing with my own sisters death from cancer. I hate cancer.
But I loved Pam. Now she is up there with my little sister Christi and I am sure they are having a grand time. I hate that both of them had to go through such pain and treatments that didn't even help. Just made them weaker and harder to fight. But neither one of them gave up and now they are reeping their rewards in Heaven. Now I have another guardian angel. I will miss you Pam. Thank you for the laughs and the great wisdom you spread throughout Jland. Rick and I will be keeping you all in our prayers and are sorry for your loss. Barbara
Pamela you will be missed. You contributed so much to those of us who have journaled. You were a pioneer for us. I remember when I started 3 years ago, it seems like it was you, Viv, Penny who were helping all of us. God bless you and I will forever remember our conversations we had over the phone. You led a life that I feel only a few can close to. Your children I know mourn your loss but I pray that they will be relieved knowing you are not hurting anymore. Fovever I will love you john
You will be so missed Pam. Thank you for the inspiration, the show of courage, and for letting so many into your life and your heart.
To the family there are no words right now that can convey enough comfort, so I will just say that you are in so many thoughts and prayers and so many are sorry for your loss. May you find comfort and strength in Pam's memory, knowing that she touched so many with her beautiful heart.
So sorry to hear..it is certain you will be missed by many, Pam. I hope someone will take over your other journals and that this one will stay up for awhile. Many prayers and wishes for peace and rest for your family. Having had two battles with cancer I can relate so much. Heavenly wishes for you!
Maria
I am so very, very sorry to hear of Pam's crossing over. However, the fact that Pam passed today, on Easter Sunday, I am sure is a marvelous sign, for there are no real coincidences in life.
I am praying for all of you, Nancy, Susie, and especially the kids.... Know that your mom touched many, many lives.... the internet gives in many ways.
I am so thankfully that I found this journal, even though I feel so broken and sad today.
Be well,
Dawn
I love you, Pam. I am so glad your pain is over, but you will be truly missed here. I will pray for your family and keep them in my thoughts always.
Leslie
I know that Pam had asked if anyone could take over her jornal for archives... could anyone let me know if they are doing that?
Thanks
Nancy
nancy_sanders@cox.net
Pam was a wonderful inspiration to me and a super, super person. She fought long and hard and she died with an amazing amount of dignity. I know she will be deeply missed by her son and daughter, her mom, her sister Nancy and the rest of her family.
How fitting that Pam lost her battle today, on Easter Sunday, the day the Lord rose from the dead. I believe that Pam left her painful body today and rose up into heaven into everlasting life. Dad, I'm asking you tonight, please welcome Pam, show her around, buy her a drink and tell her I said hello. Oh, and take good care of her please. She's a super woman.
Pam, rest in peace and be pain free.
Jeanne
http://journals.aol.com/candlejmr/AJourneytoaNewMe/
Pam was a brave and courageous woman. I`m so sorry to hear of her death.
God bless everyone...
Penny
http://journals.aol.com/pennietoonz/PennysPlace
Nancy, I am so sorry to know that Pam has passed. She's been a good friend for nearly 3 years. God Bless Pam and God Bless you and your family. With all our love Ayn and all.
Pam will be sadly missed she was a remarkable strong lady,my deepest sympathy to her loving caring family.
kath
I would like to send on my condolences to Pamela and her family. From what I've read she has surely touched many lives. I have read her page a time or two and found it inspirational. She had a lot of fight in her and a great desire for life. She will be missed and she is now in the Kingdom of Heaven on this Holiest of Holy days.
Allison
To Pams Family....my heartfelt sympathy. Pam was a beautiful and courageous woman who taught us all many lessons. God's choice to take her today (Easter)was painful for all of us who are left behind, but she will never be forgotten. Her spirit lives on and on and on........in her friends and her loved ones. Anne (just plain Anne)
Pam, I will miss reading your journal,you are the bravest woman that I know of sharing all of your illness with your internet friends.To Pam's family you have my deepest thoughts and prayers at this time. My Dad passed away from brain cancer six years ago I take comfort in knowing that he has no more pain and no more treatments-- I hope that Pam meets my Dad She will like him---She reminded me of him so brave. So I hope this helps the family knowing she is in no pain and flying gracefully with the Angels and She will always be with you in Your hearts and through memories. Hugs Love and Prayers to all her Family and Friends. Kimmie
My dear Angel Girl....
You know have your wings though we are all sad it had to be so soon. I am imagining you in heaven now seeing all of our faces in JLand....those you inspired for so long. You can now see how many hearts around the globe you touched. You are one of the bravest women I have ever known & all of us in JLand will never be the same without you, though I know you will now be with all of us in a different way. Your spirit will live on in every heart you touched.
To Pam's family & VERY MUCH LOVED Son & Daughter, I offer you my prayers that your heart, while understandably sad right now, will soon find comfort and quiet happiness from knowing Pam is now out of pain and taking care of us now in a much bigger way. I'm thinking of her accidental garden...I would not be surprised if you saw signs of her there this summer or in your own. I think that would be a wonderful way for all of us to honor her...with our own accidental gardens because there are really no accidents in life, but pure blessings!
Please let us know where we may send a card, or donations etc to honor her. It will be the best way to honor her!
My heart goes out to family and friends, God Bless you all and May Pam rest in peace.
- Jessica
Pam, you are still an inspiration, the most amazing type. I will always try to live with hope in my heart, and will fight for every day just like you did.
Thank you Nancy for letting us know of this very sad news. The silver lining is that she is now free from her physical pain. You and Pam's entire family are in my thoughts and prayers. I truly hope the children have inherited her strength and they too will do great things.
A story for Grieving & to think of Pam:
The Water Bug Story
Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.
"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another, "one of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she's going?" Up, up, up it slowly went... Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. It's friends waited and waited but it didn't return...
"That's funny!" said one water bug to another...
" Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second...
"Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third...
No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.
Finally one of the water bugs gathered its friends together. "I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise" they said solemnly.
One spring day not long after the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water and fallen into the broad and free lily pad above.
When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come over his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail.
Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings... The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from his new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself above the water.
(Continued)
Continued...
He had become a dragonfly. Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere.
By and by the new dragonfly landed happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.
Then the dragonfly remembered the promise. Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down.
Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water...
"I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too.
Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."
And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air...
This was read at my colleague's daughter's funeral last fall when she tragically died in the Chicago train crash. I thought it might help also:
There is a story told of two men, one old, one young. One day, the young man was showing people how absolutely beautiful and perfect his heart was. And it was as beautiful and perfect as the day he was born.
When the old man happened by this young one, he shook his head. “Oh, young one, you believe your heart is perfect, but have you loved? Have you been loved?”
As the young man contemplated this, the old man removed his own heart to show those who were gathered. His heart was gnarly. There were huge chunks missing, pieces sewn in haphazardly, little pieces/big pieces all together in one big lump of a heart.
“You see, young man, all of the pieces that are missing are pieces that I gave to people when I loved them. The bigger the piece, the bigger the love.”
“The same goes for the pieces sown in; those are from people who have loved me.”
“Thus, my heart is greater than yours, because I have loved.”
The young man fell to his feet, tearing a chunk from his heart, pleading with the old man to take it. The old man took a chunk from his own heart to give the boy. Thus, a friendship was born.
I think of Pam with a huge heart from all the people she touched & every one of us has pieces of hers in ours! :-)
Rest In Peace Pam your suffering has ended. To her children my prayers are with you, Nick please watch over your little sister like we all know you will. A son who would give up his life to come back and take care off his mother is a son all of us mothers would be proud of. To her family thank you for taking the time in your lifes to keep us updated. Some of us only knew her through her words in her journal but we all loved her. God bless all of her family.
Kathy
May you rest in peace beautiful lady.
To Pam's family...
I am so very sorry for your loss. Know that
Pam did touch many lives including mine.
I will never forget her.
Connie
This is a woman who seems to be described in one word, "CLASSY."
My condolences to Pam's family. May you find peace in knowing that she has found hers.
Cyndy
I'm so , so sorry to hear this sad news, Pam was so very brave. Praying for Pams' family and friends she's left behind. Jeannette.
Pam ..... your smiling face, your humor, and your courage will not be forgotten. What an inspiration you were to your friends here in J-land. Rest well in the arms of the angels ... Tina
You were a very brave lady, Pam, and a real inspiration. Rest in peace sweet lady
http://journals.aol.co.uk/jeanno43/JeannettesJottings/
Pam you were so very brave an inspiration to us all and will be missed so very much ~ Rest in peace in the arms of the Angels ~ Ally
To Pam's family
My deepest sympathy to you all. I am so very sorry. I never met Pam in the flesh but I felt that I knew her and it was an honour to share part of her life with her. I shall miss her words of wisdom, her humour and her huge integrity. She certainly achieved her goal of touching someone in her llife, she touched me with all of those. I would like to send something and I wondered whether you would prefer flowers or a donation to her charity?
I will be thinking of you all and praying for you.
A few weeks ago I sent her this poem which was written for Violette Tzabo one of the bravest women in the last century who fought in the french resistence. It was written by her husband. It is one which makes me think of Pam and I would leave it on her journal for her.
The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours
The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours
A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours
and yours
Pam I will miss you. Rest in peace and without pain and in the knowledge that you were loved and appreciated by so many people.
Diana
with deepest sympathy to Pams family. . .what a truly nice lady.May she rest in the arms of the Angels.
Pam, we had so much in common and shared so much emotionally both in J Land and by email. You will be very much missed. Your earthly journey has come to an end but I know you'll continue in all of our hearts and minds. Rest in peace xxxx
Denise
So sorry to hear of your sad loss...Pam was such an inspiration to many people
With Sincere Sympathy
Aileen....X
http://journals.co.uk/haileen2003/AsTimeGoesBy
I am so very sorry. Eve
To Pams Family.
I so very sorry for you loss. I've been reading Pams blog for a while and admired her so much. She seemed to me to be a terrific Mother, friend and fighter.
Blessing to you Pam wherever you are sweet lady.
Vanda
Pam, your beauty and courage remain with us. There are so few of us who would have the internal strength to share our struggle with others. I hope, as time passes, that your family will have your words edited and published.
Pam, your family and all of us have been blessed by your presence.
Requiestat In Pace.
V
Pam, you enriched all of our lives for having known you. Glad to have known you, brave soul, for the little time I did. Now take care, you are free from physical pain now, and radiation treatments. So sorry your family has to be in such pain right now.
Krissy
Godspeed, Pamela. We will miss you terribly.
~~ jennifer
You've touched the lives of so many...your memory will live with me for many years to come...may you be at peace.
To Pam's family. May she rest. May God be wth all of you and give you peace and comfort. Helen
God bless you. Rest in peace.
There are no words that really help at a time like this. Your mother is -- I know with every fiber of my soul -- at rest and with you still, as close as a heartbeat. May you find some measure of comfort in reading how she has touched so many lives.
Candace
Pam, I am glad that you are at peace and pain free! I know you will be missed dearly by a lot of people.
To all of Pam's family - I hope that God gives you the strength to get through this time of loss.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers!
Hugs,
Colleen
You are now free of pain, may God bless your soul. I will pray for your children and your family. My mom passed away or lung cancer when I was 14, I know how it feels to grow up without a mom. Rest In Peace.
To Pam's familyand friend...Please know, with every ounce of your being, that Pam succeeded in one of her many goals...to have touched, or affected other people's lives. She not only did that for me, but for thousands more.
I am deeply sorry for your pain during this time.
Nancy
All strength to Pam's family on their loss. Very sorry to hear of her passing
We continue to pray for the family now aw they deal with the loss of their beloved. We come to love you all through this journal and the update group. You have a huge extended family. Our hearts go out to you now. Blessings, Penny http:/journals.aol.com/firestormkids04/FromHeretoThere
I am so sorry for your families loss...my deepest sympathies to your entire family...Pam had many friends and I just wish I had known her the way others did...she will be missed...hugs and love,
Joyce
I'm so very sorry to hear about Pam's passing. She was a wonderful, courageous lady who will be missed by so many lives she touched. I'm keeping her family in my prayers.
~Bilinda~
maybe i'll take a nap
Her last sentence to us.....I will miss sweet friend, until we meet again.
xxoo
Farewell, brave soul. Lacey
To all of Pam's family, my heartfelt condolences. Cancer is a brutal enemy, but it never defeated Pam's spirit. We were all so lucky to get to know her and share in her battle and, most especially, in her tremendous love for her family.
http://searchthesea.blogspot.com
Deepest condolences to Pam's family. She was an incredible woman and she will be greatly missed. The number of people she has touched with her courageous story is enormous;she will not be forgotten.
I feel that her passing on Easter Sunday was apropos... she is now with the rest of God's angels and I believe that Jesus wanted her with him on his own day of resurection and triumph over death.
I am very sad to read this news... my heart goes out to all of Pam's family and loved ones. She was a remarkable woman, to share her journey with such honesty and bravery.
I hope that her spirit can look down and see all those whose lives she touched!
--Albert
what can i say...its pretty much all been said..i am so sorry and i hope you find the strength to cope, probably the best way to do that is to remember pam's wonderful and inspirational life, rather than focusing all of your energy on the sadness of your death. i volunteer at a hospice and that is the method they teach us to use. it works pretty well. god bless.
--tim
A final end (Goodbye)
How do you say good bye to someone you love?
How do you make such a decision in the first place?
Life makes it for us
Reason and emotion don’t go hand in hand
But our hands
Fit nicely together
Until life told us otherwise
Goodbye
Is such a cruel sounding word
Like death
It plagues the mind of the living
And the heart that is used to giving love
But goodbye
Sometimes
Is not a final end
But the beginning of a new chapter
And the creation of a fond memory
Which will keep our heart company forever
Goodbye my friend
I love you
God Bless your soul.
Pam has been an inspiration to us all.. and such an amazing brave lady.. God HAS gained an Angel :o) xxxx
Oh Pam. You have no idea how much you'll be missed. Never in J-land has there been a person who was an inspiration to so many.
To Pam's family...I'm just so incredibly sorry for your loss. Obviously, words are just that...words...but please know you're in my thoughts and prayers during this most difficult time.
Much Love,
Bridgett
PAM IS WITH THE ANGELS NOW AND FINALLY AT PEACE AND NO MORE PAIN....
Thoughts and prayers for Pam's family, friends and all who's lives were touched by this courageous lady... Michelle
Just want to stop by and say How sorry I am for your loss!
Pams' family you are in my thoughts and prayers!
Sharon
Goodnight, God bless.
Sandra xxx
I pray for peace and healing for you, the family. Pam is at peace, let's not forget what she added to the world and the lives she touches. She will never be forgotten.
Deb
There are no words that can express my sympathy for your family. I hope I can touch even a portion of the people that Pam touched in her life with her words and actions.
Thank you Pam!
I expect the internet is about to be filled with tributes to Pam as we all respond to our grief. I've put one here: http://searchthesea.blogspot.com/
Pam, you were the kindest most generous person in J-land. You were one of the first journals I read and an inspiration to me. You will be missed terribly and a void that will never be filled.
Mary
PS: We should all go back and read one of Pam's earliest entries. She really did it, didn't she?
http://journals.aol.com/his1desire/GirlsHeadNoise/entries/13
I didnt know you personally but read your journal entries everyday~~ What strength you have and you touched my life and the importance of family!!! I will miss you but you are in a better place now and pain free. God Bless
Pam, you were a HUGE success in your life. You touched many people, including faceless, nameless people like me who found tremendous inspiration in your journal and life. God bless and I know you are in a beautiful, warm, loving place right now. Thank you for your powerful words and journal entries.
Michelle
I'm so sorry to hear that you are no longer with us. I never knew your journal and I wish I had :-( God bless you and I hope your family find some happiness in their memories to keep them going xx
Much love ~ Jenny xx
Pamela, I will miss your wit, strength and inspiring humor. You are home, now, and at peace, and I'm happy for that. I just wish it wasn't at this cost. Your family, and friends are in my thoughts and prayers.
xoxo
Thank you Pam for all you have done for me.
I will never forget you.
Love,
Niki
I'm very sorry to read of Pam's passing. My condolences to her family and children.
~Penny~
No words can express the pain the family is feeling I am sure. Peace and love to the family always.
Lenise
Pam was truly brave and a marvellous person. I regret that I never met her, but I got to know her silently through her journal. My condolences to the family.
--Tom
I never met Pam, but certainly felt I knew her, just from reading her insprirational and thoughful journal almost every day for the last year. May Peace find her family and loved ones during this time. Pam was a true fighter and a light of life and love. I am very saddened by the news of her passing, but I am glad she is no longer suffering. Thank you for lighting your little corner of the world with your love. Rochelle
http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies/entries/2531 Love you (((Pam))))) ;) C. http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies
It took me all day to come here.....denial was a much easier place to be. There aren't enough words to express what Pam meant to me......she inspired me every single day. All during her battle, Pam continued to send me encouraging notes and cards to support my weight loss efforts.....she was the most selfless person I have ever known. I was lucky to have her as my friend and will miss her daily wit and wisdom. The last time I heard from her she talked about the word "Hope" and never giving up. She gave me this quote by Brendan Gill " If the hour happens to be later than we may have wished, take heart....so much more to cherished is the bloom." I will treasure this last advice from you Pam and will honor your life and your memory by not giving up. Thank you for all you were to me and everyone's life you ever touched. I love you pal......
Pooh Hugs,
Linda
I will remember you always, Pam.
My prayers are being sent up on behalf of the family and our journal community is very saddened by this loss.
Sonya
So sorry to hear of this...to Pam's family, my prayers are extended for your peace and comfort. Pam is painfree and resting in the arms of an angel. Chris
My thoughts and prayers are with your family in this tremendous loss. Pam was beloved by many and will be sorely missed....Sandi
You are missed Pam, thanks for being YOU!
Peace, love and prayers to Pam's family.
Terry
Pam, I miss you and I love you. Your spirit of cheer in the midst of your own suffering was just.....I don't have the words to describe it. God bless your family.
Rest in peace!
My thoughts to the family.
God rest your loving soul Pam and give your family peace as they go through this very sad time. You have enlightened our lives with your love, wisdom, courage and dedication to making life in journal land easier.
Know that you are missed and loved greatly.
Tamara
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there.I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
God bless you Pam - see you in heaven.
http://suzy.theshipmans.co.uk/
You are missed, you are loved... you touched so many and led us each by example.
My hat is off to you dear lady ... through the journey and at the end, you did well.
Love and Blessings to Pam and all who love her,
Lynda (aka Auntie Lyn)
Rest in Peace Darling
You will be greatly missed
Love, Marina
Rest in Peace Pam.
May the angels hug you tight tonight, you're home.
My thoughts and prayers remain with you and your family.
Love
Tricia
"...and then one or other dies. And we think of this as love cut short; like a dance stopped in mid career or a flower with it's head unluckily snapped off - something truncated and therefore, lacking its due shape. I wonder. If, as I can't help suspecting, the dead also feel the pains of separation (and this may be one of their purgatorial sufferings), then for [all of us] without exception, bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love....It is not the a truncation of the process but one of its phases; not the interruption of the dance, but the next figure. We are "taken out of ourselves" by the loved one while she is here. Then comes the tragic figure of the dance in which we much learn to be still taken out of ourselves though the bodily presence is withdrawn, to love the very Her, and not fall back to loving the past, or our memories, or our sorrow, or our relief from sorrow, or our own love." ~c.s. lewis
rest peacefully, mah leetle marshmallow. thank you for all you've taught us.
The best part of reading Pam's journal was the love that she had for her children and her family....may she rest in peace and watch her children with out pain....There are no words that would make the pain any less....Hugs Nacny and Pam's children...
Pam.....may you rest in peace and feel no pain....may you be comforted that angles too watch over your children....
Pam you made me look at life differently...TerryAnn.
We did not know you but we share your loss,and wll mention you in our prays
Selina and Rex
A very bright light in this world has truly gone out....rest in peace my friend.
Pam, I will miss your humor, your beautiful pictures, your accidental garden, your honesty, and your spirit. A piece of my heart went with you. May you rest in peace my friend. See you in heaven, where we will all have beautiful hair. ~ Laurie
I'm very sorry that I missed a wonderful opportunity in getting to know a special woman, as I didn't read Pam's journal regularly. It is no fault but my own. I'm so sorry. She will be greatly missed as made so obvious by all the loving & kind notes here & in various journals. Rest in peace, Pam.
"Perhaps they are not stars in the heavens, but rather openings where our loved ones shine through to let us know they are safe, happy and watching over us. For we die only when we cease to exist in the hearts and minds of those who knew and loved us."
~Aunt Nub~
I'm so very sorry to hear about Pam's passing. I will keep Pam's family in my prayers. Sharon
"On my way home
I remember only good days
On my way home
I remember all the best days
I'm on my way home
I can remember every new day" Enya
Words cannot express how sad I feel that Pamela is gone. She was an inspiration to me and continues to be. My heart and prayers go out to the family. Thank you for letting us share Pamela with you.
She is very, very missed.
Blessings to you all,
Sheila
There are not enough words in the English language to describe this truly courageous woman. She is missed.
Dear Pamela,
Thank you for making a difference. Rest in peace....until we meet again.
Thinking of you and your family.
Gem
OMG! I am so upset with myself, for not checking in sooner .... I found this out in the weirdest way possible too!
To Pam's family, I am so sorry for your loss! But she is no longer in pain anymore, as only we are now! May she rest in peace. I really have no other words right now as i am shocked beyond belief!
We love and miss you Pam! :)
Theresa
One can never be quite the same after knowing Pam. I count myself among the very fortunate people in this world for having my world brush up against hers. My thoughts and prayers are with her family and children. The lady knew how to love. It's up to those of us she touched to pass it forward.
Melissa
I have finally found Pamela's obituary, along with a guestbook to leave condolences for the family. The website is www.mercurynews.com
If the guestbook gets 1/2 as many entries as her journal, I think it will be a great gift for her children.
ChemoAngel Erika
Damn Pameo. I miss you.
Pam,
Thank you for touching my life. I sat here reading all the wonderful things our friends in J-land have said to you and I'm humbled. We had lost touch...and I'm so very sad right now. People often look upon "internet friends" as somehow less special, but I know that you and I and the many other wonderful people who were touched by your life know differently. Thank you for being there and lighting the way to a more peacefull path. I will forever be humbled by the blessing of knowing you.
With metta & karuna,
your friend forever in peace,
david buccola
random thoughts from a progressive mind
Pam's service is Saturday, a celebration of life, below are the details. Please RSVP, questions or inquiries on the actual service to ghaan@pacbell.net
Please no cut flowers, donations to your local humane society.
A memorial service will be celebrated on Saturday, April 22, at 12 Noon at Peace Lutheran Church, 885 Pomeroy Avenue, Santa Clara. Donations may be made to the Humane Society.
My darling Pamela.
I cannot believe you are gone from this earth. I imagined with my entire heart that you would beat this. It's not fair really, it's not fair at all....
You were one of my first journaling pals...
and I will never forget you.
Ever.
You dont need to meet someone such as yourself in person to see and feel the kind of person one is. Right down to the last moments you were strong, beautiful and literally radiated off the screen and into each one of our lives.
How can one ever be the same after meeting you?
You touched me.
You touched many.
And girl, if there is anything I know for sure... it's that you are at peace and probably blogging up in heaven about your earthly life and planting corn admist the clouds...
Yeah.
I think thats how I will picture you... forever.
I miss you already.
To Pam's Family, Im saddened beyond belief over your loss. I hope that you will find comfort in eachother and remember that you will see her again.
With love and a broken heart,
Shelli Dorfe
I did not know Pam but I saw journal entries from others paying tribute to her in their journals. She sounded like such a sweet person. I am so sorry to hear about her passing.
Love,
Kat
http://journals.col.com/kuhlhiggins/AdventuresinKatLand
I hope for Pam's family the peace that she has now.
It took me so long to come here and post a comment. I just recently lost my father to lung cancer as well and I know all too well how you (Pam's family) are feeling. I'm so sorry for your loss. God Bless you. Love, Shelly
God Bless you Pamela, heaven has a new angel! Linda
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