Tuesday, June 13, 2006


hello again.

thank you all so very much for the kind emails.

they have made my day just a little easier to get by

they brought me smiles and tears.

good tears.

from the bottom of my heart.

nick and i thank you.

its been very hard for us. we try each day just to get through.

its been hard for me lately. don't know why but it seems like its starting to sink in.

seeming to sink in deeper and deeper each day.

i was just going through all the boxes i have of her stuff.

our memmories of her

i tried to keep everything of hers as i could but than after 4 cars  full.

i knew that i couldn't take it all with me

she was my hero and best freind.

that one person i could talk to about anything anytime.

i miss her voice and her hugs the most.

sometimes i just want to give up but she would never let me crumble.

i hope i can come out even half as good as the women she was.

i live each day for her.


i love you mom

and will talk to you tonight in my dreams.



i am going to try to keep this journal and add to it. for her.

but im not all too sure how.

haha. she always wanted me to have one// go one it with her.

but it seemed outdated for me. boy was i wrong.

help. would be nice=]

thank you again.





lesliehydeart said...

Bless your heart!  Your dear Mom was so loved here in this community, and inspiration for a lot of us.  

Lots of hugs for you and your family, and warmest wishes.


jckfrstross said...

anytime you need help just email ok:) hang in there


mosie1944 said...

Your two entries here have made my day.  Your mother is smiling down on you.

my3gifts said...

You're in my prayers. I lost a child and the things you're going through sounds like that numbness is starting to wear off a bit. If you need help with the journal there's lots of us out here who care about your mom and will be more than happy to help you, just let us know what you need and want to do ok!

God Bless
Christy http://journals.aol.com/my3gifts/ChristysThoughts/

nightmaremom said...

I think it's a wonderful idea.  Let us help you.  Shout out with what you would like to do.  We are here for you!

ajoleblon said...

I am sure your mom is smiling down from heaven at what you are doing in honor of her.  Thank you so much for coming to her journal and helping us cope with the loss as well.   God Bless you.

onestrangecat said...

Thank you so much for getting in touch with us.
I know this has been really hard on you.
I know your mom was very proud of you and your brother.  

I think your mom would love for you to take over her journal or to create one of your own.

If you need anything just email one of us.  We are here for you the best we can be.


coy1234787 said...

You sooo have to know that this
is making your mom smile.
I'm sure that you'll be able to
get any kind of journaling help
that you want, just ask.

       *** Coy ***


cste609371 said...

Your mom was so strong and full of wisdom- I am sure you passes it to you both. the older you get the more you will see it. I wish you the best! you say you are seeming to sink in deeper and deeper each day- one day, like magic- that will turn around- you will grow stronger and stronger. your going to know you are there when you can tell stories of her with out the trears and a smile comes.
Best wishes to you and Nick.

onmiownnow2 said...

Your Mom loved you so much, she wrote about it time and time again and this would make her so happy.  Just write from your heart... just like she did.  Hugs, Lisa

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

Oh....sweet child...you are in my thoughts so much....My heart goes out to you....you are right your mother was a great woman....and she lives on through you and Nick...She was so proud of both of you....I don't think you will ever get over the loss of your mother...but because she is part of you...you will set your sail and live life to the fullest because that is all she longed for...In you her beauty will shine...when you look to the heavens you will feel her...she will never leave you...it is impossible for a mother to do...when times get hard...close your eyes and feel her embrass....she is there...let her fill you up with her love...and get through each day the best you can...continue to make her proud...If ever you need help...do...do do...give me a shout...You know your mother was trying really hard to go through her stuff...so that you would not have too...it is hard to let go of things...but as you said four car loads later...I can tell you as a mother who has a daughter a few years older than you, a son 11 and one who is only 4...the thing I think about if I were to leave...is that they know how much I love them...and that they would feel my love each day...and when times are hard and they feel like breaking to take a deep breath and just feel my arms around them...she is there...I wish I could reach right through this computer and hug you!!!!!  Make her proud kid...make her proud...Live, love and when you can laugh!...TerryAnn

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

Sorry one more thing...remember that entry...you know the voice entry...It may be in her old journal...Hugs,TerryAnn

childebrand1968 said...

I think this is a great tribute from you for your mother!  She would be happy you've chosen to continue writing at her place...

You mother has a beautiful spirit that resonated throughout this little community of ours.  She is still missed daily here, too.

If you look through the archives of her journals (this one and the non-
UK blog), you may find her voice entries... she did several, I believe :)

I really wish I could help you on the hugs part, too!  The best I can do is a virtual one {{{ }}}

I, among many, will try and help as much as possible.  If writing here will help ease your suffering, then please... continue... and you'll come to find as much love as you want.  

Hang in there, Christina (and Nick)


mumma4evr said...

my brother died almost 13 years ago.  soem days thepain of losing him is so great!  Please know that what  you are going thru is normal!  WE all love you, just as we loved your Mom!

rachealcarol said...

She was a very special lady, an inspiration and always with you in your heart, just as her many friends are here for you now, the new and the old, whenever needed. Rache

molly146012 said...


yakima127 said...

I am sure you will continue to make your mother proud!  She loved you so much!  She still does...nice to hear from you...I am glad you are at least doing ok.  Writing in her journal was very therapeutic for your mom.  Maybe it will be for you, too...Jae

mastersblynn said...

It is really cool that you have her journal to go back and read!  Kinda like having a piece of her still with you.  I am sure she would love it that you post your thoughts here and read her back entrys.  She had alot of friends here and so do you!  Hugs! Barbara

nikg2005 said...

(((Krissy)))  I have been in the same spot you are now.  It's very difficult to see now, but it will get better.  Slowly the pain will ease.  If you ever want someone to talk to, I am here ;)  As for the journals, I'm still trying to get aquainted with them, but I use this journal, which your Mom made to try and figure things out.  


Good Luck sweetie!


mlraminiak said...

Sweet girl...thank you for writing here.  I was so shocked to see an alert on my bloglines for a new entry on Pam's journal.  I was hoping it wasn't someone saying, "thanks, everyone...but now we have to  shut this journal down because it's just too painful."

Do continue writing here.  It will be your Mom's sweet legacy.  And it may help you to write about your feelings of missing her, here among a great many of us who miss her, too.

Lisa  :-]  

midwestvintage said...

 It is so hard to lose your mother.  Over the years the memories will become less painful to re-live.  Writing in the journal will help.  It has been 26 years since my mother passed away and I still miss her but I can think about her and smile remembering some funny thing she used to do and look forward to seeing her someday.  Come often when you just need to write down your thoughts.


ally123130585918 said...

I am sure your mum would be very happy knowing you are keeping her journal going ~ The pain of your loss will get easier to bear as time passes but your memories of her will never fade ~ Ally

billierwilson said...

your mom was an amazing inspiration to many of us, with her strength and kind heart. her talented way in which she shared her life life with her readers. she is missed in this community of journalers. you and your brother were very blessed to have such gift, even if it was too short. keeping a journal can be very theraputic and there are many caring people out here, always there to give you words of incouragement and kindness.
thank you for adding your words and sharing your feelings. my prayers are with you and your brother.

riverdaughter196 said...

I was surprised to receive an alert for Pam's journal.  My prayers are with you.
You Mom was an amazing woman and friend. ~Pamela

sunflowerkat321 said...

Your mom was one fabulous, witty, smart, woman.  And we know from this very journal how very proud she was of you and Nick.  She loved you both as deeply as any momma could.  She would be so touched...and so pleased to know that you want to keep her journal going.  There are a lot of us out here who just thought the world of your mom.  And it help US when we hear a bit of her voice through you.  Thank YOU sweetheart, for helping to ease the sadness we all feel missing your mom.  She was just the best.  And you are too!

With love!

candlejmr said...

Your mom was a strong, caring, remarkable woman and I'm sure that's how you grew up the same way!  Your mom was also very inspirational during her illness and in that inspiration she would always mention Chemo Angels and how her "angels" had brightened her life.  After your mom passed away, I became a Chemo Angel myself in her honor.  I hope I can bring sunshine to others because I know thats what your mom would want.

I can't imagine the pain you are feeling.  I lost my dad 6 years ago (also to cancer) and it was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through but I was almost 40 years old at the time.  You are a young girl and it just doesn't seem fair that you should have to grow up without your mom.  

I want you to know that there are alot of "moms" on this board and we would all be more than happy to "adopt" you in any way we can.   Maybe instead of "Chemo Angels" we can become your "Mom Angels."  I think your mom would like that too.

So, that being said, could you email me privately and send me your home address?  I would like to be your "Mom Angel" if that is OK with you.

If any other moms out there are reading this, feel free to join me!


barbpinion said...

Hi hon. I am so sorry about your mom. I always wished I could meet Pam in person. She was such a gracious, warm, caring, loving person, always quick to help others. I miss her. I know you have a lot of support here in J-land, including me. Will be praying for you and Nick. Am but an email away. So glad you are keeping your mother's journal.
God bless you,
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK

artloner said...

Honey, you're doing just wonderfully.  And I knw she'd be so happy that you came here, even more so that you are continuing her work.  THis was one of the things that made her happy, and where she got a lot of support.  We are here for you too, always.



cneinhorn said...

i'm so sorry about your mom...what a nice lady she was and an inspiration.  keep writing here...for you, for her.....  i think she would have liked that.  nettie

trinity773377 said...

i never got to read your mothers journal, but my mom did and has told me alot about her...I know that things must be hard my mother is my bestfriend and the person i confide in i don't know what i would do with out her.  if you need some one to talk to i and the rest of jland are here fo you!!!
God Bless,

cacklinrosie101 said...

Aw sweetie, you are doing just great.  Your mom would be so proud of you.  Take it one day at a time.  Hold onto the memories of your mom and know she is watching over you.  You will never ever forget your mom but one day it won't hurt you as much as it does now.  You have a whole family of people in J-Land to talk to and support you.  BIG HUGS...Chris

boiseladie said...

We're all out here for you!  Though nothing can replace your mom's voice and hugs, we are here to support you, anyway we can.  You can talk to us about anything and everything, anytime.  Your mom touched so many of us, helping her with you two now is the least we can do.  We're here for you!

indigosunmoon said...

Darlin, you are doing just fine.  You can talk to us
anytime right here.  We will always be here to give
you cyber hugs, and encouragement.  We all
know how much your Mom loved you kids.  She
adored yall.

tendernoggle said...

Sweetheart, you are doing wonderful writing here...We are here for you....you talk it out, or cry it out here and we will be here to help you through this...Your Mom is looking down right now and she is sooooooooo proud of her little girl! God bless you and keep you sugar.

inafrnz247 said...

My heart, thoughts, and most of all prayers are with you and your family.. I know your mom is smiling down on you and she is proud of you.  While words cannot ease your pain, please know in your heart how much we all care and will be here to support you with open arms whenever you are in need of them.  Love, Michelle

am4039 said...

I was just new to your mom's journal when she passed. I didn't know her that well. I'm so very sorry for you. She sounded like a wonderful woman. I read all the responses and they were awesome. Hugs to you and your family.

linnpooh said...

I adored your Mom, she was such a dear and trusted soul. Did you ever see a Pooh figurine in her house? That was something I sent her that gave us both many laughs...she would send me silly little e-mails about what Pooh was thinking that day, she had the most delightful sense of humor.
I'm on a weight loss journey and she was my greatest supporter....before she got so bad there at the end, in the  midst of her suffering I would sign on and find a "be strong today" or "you can do this" e-mail or card waiting for me. Not to mention the notes I got by snail mail....they will hang on my fridge forever.

I miss your Mom so much and I only knew her for a short time....I can't even begin to imagine the pain, suffering and the empty hole in your life. You are so right about her not wanting you to crumble.....she wanted EVERYTHING for you and Nick. You both were her joy and her reason for fighting, she was so proud of the young adults you had grown to be and had so much hope for your future.

My prayers have been with you every day and I have been sending good thoughts
and hugs your way. This meant so much....to hear from you and to know that you are doing somewhat okay, I have been worried and many times have wondered how things were going.

Please know I'm here for you at any time you want to talk or vent or anything else, I have a 23 year old daughter that I love so much also and guess what? She was born premature like you....your Mom and I shared that bond and appreciated that each other knew the exact pain and fear we went through during that time in your tiny lives. Please contact me anytime.....anytime.

God Bless you Sweetie....

Pooh Hugs,

ritewaychrissie said...

I've been following your mom's journal for the past year. She gave me a lot of inspiration to get through my issues. I'm so sad to hear about her passing, she meant a lot to all of us, even if we never met her in person.
Please dont give in, your mom has so much love for you and your brother and wants nothing but the best for both of you.
We'll all be here for you, all you have to do is write what you feel, good or bad.
I wish you the best.

sonensmilinmon said...

I feel like I was reading my own words and thoughts after my own mom had passed away.  I just wanted to be half the woman she was, my mom was my best friend, my hero.  She lives on in my dreams just as your mom will live on in your dreams.  Enjoy those times when she visits you in those dreams - embrace her, embrace the love she has for you!  If you ever need someone to talk to, we are here.  You can e-mail me if you ever like.

Most sincerely,


mutualaide said...

Your Mom was so loved by all of us and by extension you and your brother as well.  We are all here for emotional support or practical support (like, how the heck do I ....?) E-mail, post, scream for us.  We're here!  I am so sure that Pam is so very proud of you.

helmswondermom said...

Sweetie, I think you are already quite a young lady.  I think continuing your mom's journal would be good for you, and there is no end to the amount of help you'll be offered from your mom's loyal readers.  She always wrote so lovingly of you and in the pictures of the two of you together it was plain how proud she was of you.  I lost my dad four years ago, and I still have bad days occasionally, but it does get easier in time.  I think all of us are glad to hear from you, and we appreciate your honesty in letting us know how you are doing.  Hope we hear from you again really soon.  

starstarj said...

What a wonderful tribute it would be. I know your mom touched many lives. All you do is write down your thoughts and know others are praying for you.

trickeytricky said...

We are all here to help you . . . your entry brought tears to my eyes . . . I think your mother would be so HAPPY to know that you are keeping this journal and allowing us to reach out to your family through it.

Stop on by if you'd like . . .

Amanda :)

princesssaurora said...

Oh Honey... you are doing great!  Just coming and writing to all of us is all you need to do!  Tell us what you want to tell us, about anything that is happening in your life and we will be there for you... a reflection, if you will of your mom, since she cannot be here.  It won't be her, nothing will replace that for you.... but maybe 40 or 50 or 100 of us giving you some feedback will be helpful for you!

be well,

siennastarr said...

Oh, sweetie.. your mom would be proud to know that you felt you could come to her Jland friends and vent your feelings.  She really was a hero, you know?  To all of us.  We hung on her every word, and looked forward to her every entry.  She was such a strong woman who didn't know the meaning of the word "give up."  It's something she never did.  She was a fighter, and she loved you and your brother so much.  If you've gone back and read her entries, you'll see how much she talked about you two, and you were both her world.  She is still with you, watching over you, and comforting you.. whether you can feel it right now or not.  

You keep writing and we'll keep reading, sweetie.  We will be here for you, just like we were for your mom.

Pam had such a beautiful spirit, and she is very missed here in Jland..

Hugs to you

ajquinn354 said...

Oh how wonderful it was seeing your words on your Mom's site.  Know this would have touched Pam so much that you plan to keep this journal.   Through your Mom we all felt we knew both of you kids and we've all been hoping we would hear something from you.  Know this is a tough time for you both and we've all been concerned about you and all of Pams family. Know we are hear from you and Nick and it means a lot to see your words.   Look forward to next journal words, don't worry about what to say, just go with what is inyour heart or what you are feeling at the moment, it's what your Mom did so well. Take care.....Arlene (AJ)

nellemclaughlin said...

Baby girl, thank you so much for reaching out to us through this journal. You are a part of your Mom and it felt so good to see a notice that a journal entry had been posted. I missed getting them so much. I have thought about you and your brother so often. Wondered how you were getting along. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and we miss your Mom too.

fisherkristina said...

You are doing just great already by just sharing your feelings.  You already know how to journal.


firestormkids04 said...

I am so pleased to see you are thinking about joining us here in J-Land.  You are an extension of your mother's love and we would be proud to share you joys and sorrows.  I will keep you in my prayers.  Blessings, Penny http://journals.aol.com/firestormkids04/FromHeretoThere

springangel235 said...

Your Mom was a great inspiration to all...our prayers are staying with you now and hope you come back often.  Hugs and much love,

unicornsteph80 said...

Your mom was an amazing woman and she touched so many more people than you could possibly realize. I pray that God will touch you and give you the strength that you need to help you through this time of sadness and to help you remember the good times with your mom. She was an amazing woman, and I admired her very much.


icewitch96 said...

The death of a parent is always hard, and even though the pain is always there, it DOES get better, and life once again will take on some semblance of normalcy.  You and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope that one day you can look out on the world around you with a smile, and not grief.



donah42 said...

I think you are doing a great job with the journal :) It's so nice to hear from you. Your mom had a lot of supporters and I know all of us are still here for you and your brother.
One thing I've been wondering...were you able to keep all of your cats? I've been thinking and worrying about them too...
Take care and come here whenever you need too.

csandhollow said...

Hun, I was 12 when I lost my Daddy and 44 when I lost my Mama. It is hard I know. I would love to read a journal writen by you. Outdated? Never. All the cool people have one. LOL They are good places to talk things out with your self, a place to leave your grief and no one will look at you and wonder when you will let it go.
You will have to deal with your grief in your time and your place. We will help as much as we can if you want us to. We have watched you grow up and become the lady your mama knew you would be. She was so proud of you and loved you so very much.

brimasta1 said...

Your mom was a loving and caring person. Im very sorry for your loss. Your family is in my prayers.


shayshaydc said...

Hang in there!!!! In keeping this journal I believe it will help you!!! Just write what's in your heart and you will get the hang of it!! I also believe it can help you heal!!!! J-Land is a wonderful place and you will find alot of love here!!! So welcome to J-Land!!!! http://journals.aol.com/shayshaydc/Golfaholic

tpiez4me said...

Your mom was such an inspiration to us all......she had great strength and you know this.  She is dearly missed in J-land.  This is such an awesome place, you should stick around.  It would help you heal, understand, we let you yell if you want too and we all stick together.  I only experienced this grief when my GrandPa died 6 years ago.  He was my Dad/GrandPa/Best friend all rolled up into one person.....imagine my loss.  WE LOVE YOU and you will come through this!
Sharon – http://journals.aol.com/tpiez4me/CoastalComfort

butterflies4me04 said...

Your mom was definitely an amazing woman and she will be missed dearly here in this wonderful place that we call j-land .... we welcome you here with arms WIDE open and hope that you will enjoy it here as much as we do and your mom did! Writing in here will definitely help with the rough times, especially since we all knew your mom and know what it must be like for you right now! We all would be honored if you kept her journal going for her, I know your mom would just be delighted about that and so will we! :) I am so sorry for your loss .... just keep that beautiful smile on your face .... as we all know that you have from all the pictures that your mom has shared of you! You are an amzing young lady and will grow to be just like your mom .... I can see it!


floralilia said...

so imagine how my heart did this little flutter, when I saw there was a entry alert from "just one girls head noise.."

i knew your mom would find a way to come back to us -

and how perfect that is it through you Christina - and like this...

she is only as far away as our thoughts, eh?

thank you for posting....

meforevermore said...

Glad I got an urge to come here and read it again.

I hope you do keep it, it was a nice part of her.

If you ever need help with anything I'm a computer nut, feel free to ask. I can help with pretty much anything lol... Even if it's just talking.

I wish I had known your mom better. I know she was an amazing woman.


deabvt said...

Hugs & Prayers,

thinkingoutloud said...

your mom was an amazing woman.  you are made up of at least 50% of her dna so don't ever doubt yourself or what you can do.
pamela was one of the strongest women i have ever come in contact with.
i am so sorry that you had to loose her so early in your life but you are so very fortunate to have had her for the short time that you did.
keep her memories forever with you.
love n huggs-

lanurseprn said...

Hi Sweetie!!!  Welcome!!  We welcome you with open hearts and open arms.  I feel like I already know you from the stories your mom had told us about you.  You are a very special girl and yes...you WILL grow up to be like your mom.  I have no doubt!  
I remember when I lost my mom.  It seemed that after about 3 months it all "hit" me.  That's when it becomes more real, I think.  You'll make it through, honey.  I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will.  And if you ever need to talk, to vent, or cry we are always here for you.  You can email me directly if you'd like.
Love to you and your family..........Pamela

jcgeorgiapeach said...

I'm so grateful that I stopped by for some "Pam time" and found you here.  She would be so proud of you for reaching out to others right now.  (She did!)  

Just write whatever you want, whenever you want.  We'll be around to encourage and support you no matter what.  ~Tara (Peachy)

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

Hi again...i just wanted to stop and say hi...I was thinking about your mom today and was wondering how you were...i just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers...hugs, TerryAnn

rebuketheworld said...

I'm so very sorry for you loss. So very sorry. I look forward to reading her blog and hearing how you're doing. You and your family are truly in my prayers..truly,,,,Raven

clubcke said...

I just came by after several months and was glad to see you
decided to drop by also.  I also just lost my mom to lung cancer on 5/11/06.  And it also seems, as someone else wrote about her mom, that after about this time frame, it is all just now hitting me that this is real.  I seem to suddenly be consumed with thinking about my mother and everything about her.  When I had read that your mom had passed away, I felt devastated.  I began reading her journal last year, just when she was diagnosed.  She was an amazing and inspiring woman.  She gave me hope...for all that my own mother was also going through at the time.   I know just how you feel honey.  There are times that I feel like there is no point in being here anymore.  But I have a 6 year old daughter and I know that she needs me.
These are very sad days for us, but I truly believe our mothers are with us still.
Take care or yourself and continue to feel your mothers love.   Sherrie          

deabvt said...

Hugs & prayers!
Your Mom was wonderful.

cste609371 said...


adlessor said...

So glad you put in an entry.    I'm sure your  mom smiled that you did.  Hang in there.         Dawn

coldheartfemale said...

I am sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathy's go out to you and your family. Your mother was a very special person. I am glad that she is in a good place now and not suffering any longer.

Take care and you always have a friend here......

megmiran03 said...

You are an inspirational woman, oh my gosh i havent read much i stumbled across your pictures when you were bald, and wow you are beautiful . Thank you for this journal i think i will gain from being taken on your journey.



deshelestraci said...

I never met your mom, but I felt I knew her well.  I just was going through my blogroll and had to see if anything was going on here and maybe read her last entry again.  My God bless you and give you the strength to keep going every day.  I miss her and I never knew her.  I can't imagine what you are going through.

tendernoggle said...

Isn't it amazing.we all still keep flocking back here...back to Pam....we may never have met her, but she left her imprint on all of us here in J-Land....I miss her so much...and I pray for you two..her children...God bless and keep you sweetheart..
If you ever need to talk, you can reach me here >>>

lesliehydeart said...

Hope everyone is doing okay.  I think of Pam so often.  This is really the first time I met someone online who touched me so deeply.  Such beauty and spirit and humor and gone way too soon.  You are missed, Pam!  I still hold your family in my prayers.  

princesssaurora said...

Come on back and post some more... just write what is going on in life right now for you ...... I imagine you are starting school....

Maybe if you wrote each entry as a letter to your mom... what a wonderful way for you to keep feeling close...

I really hope to see more entries soon...

prayers coming as always...

be well,

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

i just wanted you to know I was thinking about you...hope you are doing okay...you all are in my prayeres....I miss your mom's wonderful journal...prayers and hugs,TerryAnn

liddleladybug said...

Hello, I am asking anyone whom considered themselves to be close to Pamela and who lives fairly locally to please contact me via email. I am asking for help resolving an issue I know she would not want to be ignored. I will explain the reason for not posting specifics here to all respondents.

Thank You

artloner said...

i emailed you before...please contact me, and we'll see what we can do.

andi klee

indigosunmoon said...

Well, Labor Day has just passed and the smell of
Fall is in the air.  It's so lonely here in J-Land
without you.  I hope you are basking in the sunshine,
listening to the birds sing...

valphish said...

So, so very sorry for your loss.  I think of your mom often.  I do hope you can continue her journal, Kissy.  You are a wonderful woman, honey.   I am sure your Mama is up there pulling for you in every way possible.  All of us in J-Land love you and her.  xox

magran42 said...

Just stopped by to see Pam again.

magenna said...

Blessing and many thoughts sent your way.

demandnlilchit said...

We never get to the point when we don't need our parents anymore. I lost my Dad when I was 16, he was 41. I hold onto my Mother for dear life even now when I am 43 years of age. You come from good stock and I am sure your Mother, our friend Pam is smiling down on you and looks forward to every one of your dream visits! I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer a little over a month and a half ago. I lost my left Breast but not my fighting spirit. Your Mother's words and kindness guide my new journey.


eternallife23 said...

My dear Pam many months have passed and I find myself thinking about you. I miss your entries and I miss you period. You were so caring and helpful. I want you to know that you are missed. Cristina please keep up this journal. Write your thoughts and how you are doing.

ajquinn354 said...

Missing Pam, she's always in my heart.  Christina, update and let us know how you and your brother are doing, know it's not an easy time.  Let us all be there for you.....Arlene (AJ)

ladycase2 said...

I just stopped in to read Pam's journal...she is missed so much!  Looking at the pictures and reading her words...I never tire of it.  Mary

davethesod said...

Hi there, fellow nominee...

I'd just like to congratulate you on becoming a nominee for the, '2006 Vivi Awards' and wish you the very best of luck on voting day. I know how excited you must be, because I too was voted for, in the 'Best Video Blog' catagory.

If you want to see exactly how excited I was, check out my video response here:


As my blog is less than one month old and it doesn't have very many viewers yet, perhaps you could help me out and increase my chances come voting day, by sharing the link to my blog with all of your friends. If you could do that for me, I'd be ever so grateful.

Here it is...


Once again, all the best and good luck with the votes on, 2nd November...

fisherkristina said...

Pam, miss you and love you.  Glad you were nominated for a VIVI this year.  You are still with us as your witness lives on.


nomartians said...

Thinking of Pam and her children.
Hugs to all,

pbaldrey said...

Good luck with your nomination.

princesssaurora said...


Missing your mom still...

Would love to hear from you...

be well,

davethesod said...


Find out what made me scream like a little girl, when I camped out last night for Halloween.

Make sure you've got a cushion to hide behind and then watch the video here:


sunflowerkat321 said...


Missing you today and always...


astaryth said...

For some reason an alert from this Journal showed up in my Bloglines today.... and got me thinking about Pam. It was for an entry that she made with 'chemo brain' and it reminded me of how positive she was about everything, no matter what....

Anyway, I'm just missing her prescence today......

pharmolo said...

Only goes to show how much of an inspiration Pam continues to be, even 7 months after she passed on. She won't be forgotten.

sugarsweet056 said...

You are dearly missed!
Blessings to family,

sazzylilsmartazz said...

Although you are not here you have won a Vivi. Just goes to show how very much you are missed.

bgilmore725 said...

My regret is that I didn't get to know her, and all of you did. This page is her perfect final tribute. Bea

jeanno43 said...

I know how delighted you would have been to know that you have won the Vivi award for Most Missed Journal.  We will never forget you.


ondinemonet said...

Hi Pam

Missing you and thinking of you. Sigh.

Love, Carly

missheathyrmaree said...

I miss you Pam.

onestrangecat said...


I have been making a few entries this month about your mom.  November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month.  I couldn't let the month pass without remember her and how brave she was.

Thanksgiving is almost here.  I know this will be a sad one for you and your family.  I read her entry from last Thanksgiving.  She was so very happy to have you home and to get a call from your brother.

Pictures seem to be disappering from this journal.  I hope they will show back up.  I hope the journal will stay up forever.


thegirlnexdoor77 said...

I was just thinking of you tonight Pam...praying for your family as the Holidays approch!  May you smile down on them this holiday and may they feel your love!  Miss you girl!  Hugs,TerryAnn

ajquinn354 said...

Pam you are forever in all of our hearts, we all think about you and miss you, but know you are at peace dear.  May your daughter Christina let us know soon how she is, your son and how the family is doing.  Arlene (AJ)

princesssaurora said...

Christina and Nick,

I am happy this addy and journal are still up...  still hoping to see one or both of you update it.  How are you doing?  What is happening in your lives... you are still in my thoughts and prayers, as is your mom.

be well,

deabvt said...


lab2401cfl said...

Pam, soon we will enter a new year, one of which you have not been a part of.  This brings a sadness.  You and your loved ones are being thought of.
Auntie Lyn

onestrangecat said...



csandhollow said...

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. I know life has not been perfect, how could it be. I hope you are living life the way your mama wanted you to.
Love and peace to you.

katie39041 said...

Hope you are both doing okay, your mum is so sadly missed.
Love and hugs

davidandsuzi said...

iv just read ur blog and am ashamed to say iv just started my own blog about being bored and moaning about having nothin to do-i have a 4yr old son and another on the way(in about 8 wks) i should be thanking my lucky stars not moaning that life is crap,cos some people would probably give anything to have a family or not be alone or whatever  makes people happy which after reading ur blog iv realised it is most likely to be family that make people happy,sad,angry and even upset but i think they are  just the emotions that are part and parcel that come with being in a family unit and we should never want it to be any different,after all,life would be so boring if things were rosy all the time-as people say its beter to no how to love someone and then loose it, than not to know how to love at all. i hope you find comfort in remembering good times even though they have been cut short at least you got to have them -hope you agree-i look forward to checking in and reading your thoughts. SUZI :-)  

wobblymoo said...

Was just calling in here to see if this journal still existed, so glad it does. You mom is an inspiration and a very special lady.

princesssaurora said...

Just thinking of you and your brother... and of course your mom.  Sending prayers...

be well,

luddie343 said...

You have the love and concern of more people you can imagine.  God be with you.  CATHY

nightmaremom said...

Miss you my friend!

jeadie05 said...

That would be a lovely thing to do for your Mum ,who is so missed ,and remembered with such love ..love Jan xx http://journals.aol.co.uk/jeadie05/Serendipity/

motoxmom72 said...

Your mom was loved so much and she is missed so much.  I just wanted to drop by to let you know your mom is being thought of and that prayers are still being said for you all.

jeanno43 said...

Your Mum will never be forgotten.  She was muched loved here in J-Land.  I never thought I would be fighting my own battle against cancer less than a year after her passing.  She was an inspiration.  I hope I have her strength to get me through.  Pam will never be forgotten.  I am glad you wish to carry on her journal, she would be very happy about that and so proud of you.

geminisolox said...

Thinking of you..... Gem in the UK xx

princesssaurora said...

Almost a year... and you are still such and inspiration, Pam.  

be well,

ckays1967 said...

Just wanted to let you know I thought about you and your family....


stevenmcnamara4 said...

i dont know how your feeling and i wont say i ever could,i can only speak from my experience of my mum having breast cancer,shes had 2 ops first 1 wasent succesful,2nd one was so far so good,she was told that she could have a partial removal in the beggining but it might not work,she thought she had beaten it,but it came back,so they removed the whole breast,its a year or so down the line and shes fine just now,my prayers and thoughts go out to you and your family,that you will beat this and be strong again,god bless you

deabvt said...

Thinking of you.

princesssaurora said...

Still thinking of you kids... check in with J-land... thinking of your mom too.

be well,

cste609371 said...

I hope, from my heart, that your pain will decrease,
That your spirit will gain strength again,
And I pray that your faith will create inner peace
And that God will send blessings.
Deep condolences,

It's almost 1 year, just thinking of Pam & wanted to sent well wishes to you kids...  

MS. STEWART/  CSte609371@aol.com

nightmaremom said...

Been thinking of you all and wanted to just drop by and say you are all still in my prayers

princesssaurora said...

Still thinking of your mom... still thinking of you and your brother... just start to write... it would be amazing.

be well,

chevyz71gurl74 said...

Thinking of you today Pam, as we have lost another beloved Jlander.... May you and Penny watch over us and guide us.

Gone but never forgotten. We love you girls!

I still think of you kids often as well....


nightmaremom said...

Been thinking of you Pam.....  

sunflowerkat321 said...

Pam, you're on my mind today.  I had a stray dog adventure over the last couple of days and I was thinking about your animal shelter stories.  Don't worry....we got him reunited with his family.

Did you guide Jack here because you KNEW I wouldn't let him spend a night out in the cold?

Love you Pam.


mutualaide said...

Rarely far from my  mind.  I finally kicked that nasty habit and I'd like to let you know Pam that you, and the way you fought and the life you lived and the example you set is what got me to finally get through the process.  Rest in Peace. You are missed.

indigosunmoon said...

Miss you so much.  I still have all the dogs, and probably a few more, and I still have the cats.  All the bitchin and moaning my family does about all my animals still hasn't swayed my devotion to them all.  
I hope your happy in that beautiful place...
Love you always girl,

andy6410 said...

OMG, I am in absolute shock. I am JUST NOW discovering this very tragic news. Pam and I haven't been in touch for years, but I was going to be in the Bay Area for business next month and I figured I'd look her up. Only now do I discover that she is gone. I still can't believe it.

Pam and I had a relationship that ended about 10 years ago. We started out as an online romance which evolved into me picking up my life on the east coast and moving out west to be together. I was welcomed into her home by her awesome children Nick and Christina (I think they were around 12 and 7 at the time). We had a lot of good times together during those brief couple years, but as with many a relationship, the time had come to go our separate ways. It was not a bad ending by any means, I had simply come to a crossroads in my life and had to continue down a different path.

We did see each other about 5 years ago, but have been out of touch since then. I now find myself scouring through her blog entries and reading about her trials and tribulations over the past few years. Needless to say, I am very depressed right now.

I am still on the west coast (San Diego), and I will always be grateful for Pam, not only for the love we shared during that time, but also for helping me establish my new life in California.

Nick and Christina, if you see this and still remember me, please know that my thoughts are with you. God be with you Pam, I will never forget you...

Love Always,

onestrangecat said...

Still thinking of you girl.  I so miss you being here.  I can't believe it has been almost 2 years?

Christina I hope you still check by and read the comments left here.  I keep hoping you will take journaling here up.  Hope you and your brother are doing fine.  He should be graduting from college soon right?  And you should soon be starting I bet.


therealstephhull said...

Thinking of you today Pam. Still miss you. You'll never be forgotten.

mumma4evr said...

just making my rounds to the ones that are gone...still miss you

indigosunmoon said...

Still can't believe your gone dear Pam.  Found out earlier tonight that Lahoma has passed too.  I miss your entries so much.  I miss your wit, and your precious heart.  You were so encouraging, and you fought so hard.  We will never know until we get to that heavenly place just what God's plan is for taking away some people so soon in life.  We will all know one day when we get there, and when I join you some day I will just have to hug you and squeeze the dickens out of you.  You are missed every day, and by so many...
Love always,

sgortercass said...


indigosunmoon said...

Thinking of you today.  My flowers turned out pretty this year.  I remember how much you loved your flowers dear lady.
Still miss you.

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

Hard to believe that J-Land will be closing the doors...I have always come back as a way to say hi and some how let you know that you are not forgotten...I miss you my friend and think you and your family...you all are still in my prayers...till we meet again my friend..sending cyber hugs to heaven...while you are there could you say hi to my granny and also say a prayer for me my friend..Love ya!!! TerryAnn

trbl393 said...

Dear All,

I want to thank everyone who has emailed me, sorry that i havent gone on Journals.

I was just emailed and told that Journals is going to be deleted.
I have my moms whole Jounal on paper. thank you.

Although its been almost three years since my mothers passing, I still like to come and read everyones comments.
I thank you all that helped her when she was sick, whith your words and prayers.

Im now almost eighteen and im having a hard time realizing she wont be here on christmas and my birthday.

I still miss her terribly and pray to her every night.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

Love always,
Christina Hilger (trbl393@aol.com)

ADB said...

I am pleased to find Pam's journal back on the Internet. Rest in peace, Pam, you will be remembered.

formerly of Northern Trip
now at Atlantic Lines

Barb said...

Miss your Mom. She was one sweet cookie.

Anonymous said...

I miss your mom :( she was such a friend to me

-- Christopher

EX AOL user cmarlow330

ADB said...

It was six years ago since you left us after a memorable struggle, Pam. You were an inspiration to many, and continue to be remembered fondly. Will be back.