i'm not quite sure if i have the energy to finish this entry but i do know if i don't write stuff down that i forget .. so here i go .. nothing fancy .. just plain too tired
i had mentioned the baby bump right above the tumor on my left rib .. this isn't under my arm so much as just a few inches above my tumor on my rib so there is no way its a lymph node .. i got in to see dr raymond and he asked me if it hurt or if it bothered me .. i said no to both .. its just there .. he said around their office if something doesn't hurt or bother the patient, they don't worry about it .. i can do that as long as this isn't the tumor thats going to kill me .. he reassured me that in the scheme of things, this bump is really minor ::big smiles::
my numbness in my fingers and hands seems to be changing .. less numb at times .. then back to the typical level of numbness .. i really like my hands being less numb .. it makes me feel more normal :)
this tumor that appeared on my left rib is causing less pain !!! i stopped using the morphine patch and i'm popping about half the vicodin that has been prescribed .. thats good news hehe
i've been on steroids since my surgery (to reduce brain swelling and elimiate seizures) and now they've begun to wean me off the drug .. its a 3 week process where i reduce the amount of the drug by 1 mg a week .. i am (i think) already feeling less of the side effects since tuesday (which is also a good thing!!) i actually had one morning where i had more energy than i've had for awhile .. i think i overdid it on that day and now i've decided to take it easy so i don't use up too much energy in one day :)
i am nervous about being weaned off the steroids .. even though i don't want to take them any longer than necessary, its probably that i'm nervous about having more seizures if i'm no longer taking the meds .. i'm keeping my fingers crossed !!
today, if all goes well, is the last of my 10 radiation treatments .. i hope 10 is enough .. i suppose they're gonna run a few tests and scans just to make sure the tumors are gone .. ::big sigh::
monday i'm turning the big 5 0 !!! i decided that i wanted to be treated to a massage package at my favorite day spa which is right next door to my office just a few miles away .. i'm a bit nervous about being away from home for 2 hours, but i'm really looking forward to being spoiled !!
here's the description of the package that i decided on ...
"Head to Toe Revival ..
i had mentioned the baby bump right above the tumor on my left rib .. this isn't under my arm so much as just a few inches above my tumor on my rib so there is no way its a lymph node .. i got in to see dr raymond and he asked me if it hurt or if it bothered me .. i said no to both .. its just there .. he said around their office if something doesn't hurt or bother the patient, they don't worry about it .. i can do that as long as this isn't the tumor thats going to kill me .. he reassured me that in the scheme of things, this bump is really minor ::big smiles::
my numbness in my fingers and hands seems to be changing .. less numb at times .. then back to the typical level of numbness .. i really like my hands being less numb .. it makes me feel more normal :)
this tumor that appeared on my left rib is causing less pain !!! i stopped using the morphine patch and i'm popping about half the vicodin that has been prescribed .. thats good news hehe
i've been on steroids since my surgery (to reduce brain swelling and elimiate seizures) and now they've begun to wean me off the drug .. its a 3 week process where i reduce the amount of the drug by 1 mg a week .. i am (i think) already feeling less of the side effects since tuesday (which is also a good thing!!) i actually had one morning where i had more energy than i've had for awhile .. i think i overdid it on that day and now i've decided to take it easy so i don't use up too much energy in one day :)
i am nervous about being weaned off the steroids .. even though i don't want to take them any longer than necessary, its probably that i'm nervous about having more seizures if i'm no longer taking the meds .. i'm keeping my fingers crossed !!
today, if all goes well, is the last of my 10 radiation treatments .. i hope 10 is enough .. i suppose they're gonna run a few tests and scans just to make sure the tumors are gone .. ::big sigh::
monday i'm turning the big 5 0 !!! i decided that i wanted to be treated to a massage package at my favorite day spa which is right next door to my office just a few miles away .. i'm a bit nervous about being away from home for 2 hours, but i'm really looking forward to being spoiled !!
here's the description of the package that i decided on ...
"Head to Toe Revival ..
Our most popular package. A full body massage melts away all your tension using a blend of aromatic essential oils. Then our Aroma+ facial cleans, conditions, and exfoliates your skin, ending with a warm mask and a delightful foot massage. An incredibly luxurious and pampering experience.
Please reserve about 2hrs."
ask me if i'm looking forward to the treatment on monday !!!
well it appears that i've done run out of energy for awhile .. i was hoping to be able to write more but i am still fatigued easily .. maybe i'll take a nap before i head off to my rad treatment at 3:30
280 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 280 of 280When I think of Pamela's passing. I hear the Eagles' song, There's A Hole In The World Tonight" .... Beautiful song, beautiful woman. She gave a whole new meaning to the word STRENGTH. May her children and rest of family find a little piece of comfort in knowing just how many people she touched.
You gave us our own accidental garden, Pam, sprouted from the seeds of strength and humor and compassion you scattered as you moved through our landscape. We will try to take good care of it, but we will miss the master gardener terribly. Rest well in peace.
A lot of people are going to miss you, Pam. No one whoever crossed your path will forget you. You and your family are in my prayers. Lisa
My sincerest condolences go out to Pamela's family and friends. Now the Angels have a special friend to pamper! (((Hugs)))
I am reading ahead and am dismayed to see that my friend, Pamela has passed away. I have been reading her journal and praying for her since she became ill. I hope her beloved children read this and know of just one other life she touched with her bravery and attitude. I am sorry for your loss and wish you both well.
Praying for your family ....
You will be so missed
Sharon
Pam will be missed and thought of often, she did indeed touch MANY people.
To the family of Pam I send you my prayers. Pam was a awesome person and I enjoyed reading her journal and will miss her. Here is a poem i had read at my sons burial when he passed 6 months ago it gives me a little comfort I hope it gives you some to.
I'm Free
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I am following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard His call.
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh. to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that peace at the end of the way.
If my parting has left a void, then fill it with
Remembered joy A friendship shared,
A laugh, a kiss.....Ah, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with time or sorrow.
I wish for you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full. I've savored much--
Good friends, good times , a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.
Don't lengthen it with undo grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me.
God wanted me now. He set me free.
-----anonymous
God Bless you all.................................
Sunny
How many times will I come here and read your words? How many times will I come here and tell you that I miss you so much? I am glad for you , where you are now...it am just sad for me...for all of us who have to go on without you. You are such a great girlfriend, Pameo...and I miss you very, very much.
Andi
Andi,
I keep coming and reading too....
be well,
Dawn
I come here often also. I think I come hoping this has all been a nightmare and that she will be updating her journal any day now and tell us about the spa treatment she was planning.
Kathy
I see I am not alone............
Like all of you, I drop by Pams' site. Guess it brings me comfort just rereading her words. She really touched all of our hearts, don't think any of us will ever forget that special lady....AJ
I do it too. Even her last entry she was optimistic. I miss her like the dickens. I hope her family is doing okay. all my prayers and warm thoughts go out to them.
Leslie
I drop by to see if anything has changed, like maybe her kids have made a post somehow to give us all closure .....plus her entries are so upbeat for someone beaten up by the big C, gives us all hope and strength.
I've only just learned of Pam's passing, and I am numb from the shock. My prayers go out to her family. I am so sorry to hear about this. Pam was an amazing woman and she touched many lives. I was always so suprised by her positive and upbeat attitude during her struggle with cancer. She will be missed.
Stephanie
I'm so sorry to hear about Pam's passing. Just a week before, I had found her journal. I found out about her passing from tributes in other journals. I wish I could have been blessed to know her. ((((((((Hugs)))))))) to all her friends and family. Dana
To all your family,
GOD BLESS
My mum went this way and I hope soon this curse can be eradicated, Love to all Kev
I really hope someone does update us... she is sorely missed...
be well,
Dawn
i pray for you pam, god bless you. cheryl,
http://journals.aol.com/cste609371/writingsshortstoriesbyStewart
" I'll Be Missing You" ~Diane~ http://journals.aol.com/dizarra/StorysFromtheCityTalesFromtheSea
miss you already...
Hi, Hows baby bump? Have you got more energy since finishing radiotherapy? I trust you've had your deluxe massage by now - it sounded really nice, I'd like one but if I'm honest I'm a bit funny about people touching me as I have cancer too, and I have had major surgery on my boobs and back. (my secondary Cancer is now in my bones and lungs, but I'm not being treated at the moment which is a horrid feeling mentally, but pleasant physically). I'm off to cuddle my two kids now (Isabella age 4, and Luca age 2, I hope that they grow up as wise and caring as yours). x Juliet
I am so sorry to find that Pam has passed away. What an amazing woman and such a loss to her family and friends. I am sure she's soaring without pain and living up to her full potential as a beautiful angel. Hugs Pam....rest in external peace. Lisa
I am so sorry to find that Pam has passed away. What an amazing woman and such a loss to her family and friends. I am sure she's soaring without pain and living up to her full potential as a beautiful angel. Hugs Pam....rest in external peace. Lisa
I met Pam via this web page, so sad she is gone. What a class act lady we were all routing for to beat this cancer. So many people cared about this total stranger. My messages were short and I tried to encourage her- as she was fighting so hard to live. Her drive & inspiration was endless to us. I saw Erica left a message on Pam's site about an obit book, I miss her to what a lass act girl ... what is her last name, so I can leave a message for her family too ... thanks,http://journals.aol.com/cste609371/writingsshortstoriesbyStewart/ Cheryl
obit & book link www.mercurynews.com
I too myself come here very often, I keep thinking "maybe this is all just a dream, she really is here and she'll be writing again soon!" or maybe even her kids got to write an entry! I keep reading her last entry and read all the new comments! Is it not amazing how one person can be loved so much acrossed the world, and by so many people one never saw their face?
I love and miss you dearly Pam!
Theresa
Pam, I wish you could come back. The world isn't the same without your wisdom!
Happy Mother's Day, Pam... you have given your children so much, they will be fine as time goes on... always missing you but living as shining examples of your love...
be well,
Dawn
MISS YOU!:)
from Molly
Still visiting.. just to see... miss you Pam... Gem in UK xx
Just visiting...Pam...I wish I had known you better. You were one very loved person.
I feel sick, I had no idea...what a beautiful soul. Does anyone know how the children are doing?
Missing you Pam... I saw a cluster of mixed flowers yesterday and thought of you. You shined for us hon...thank you. Bouquets and kisses to you...prayers are no longer necessary. ;) C. http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies
does anyone know what has become of the SURPRISE QUILT that we were trying to make for Pam????????????
I would really like to see that project get finished and given to her children. My e-mails have gone unanswered and so I thought I'd ask it here. If not I would sure like my square back so I could make a pliiow and send it to her sister.
Thanks!
Christina
http://myjourneywithms.blogspot.com/
there was a recent comment posted in the quilt journal .... check it out, there's a little update there.
Theresa
msSassydee....and to all ~the many that knew her...i did not...but i can tell you this...what you wrote...what you made accessable to me by link, what i read...brought tears to my eyes....not so much for Pam...for her race is run! the tears, like the words she wrote, like the experiences she shared, like the service she provided...like the lives she ((((( touched )))) ~ are were for us...the ones who remain behind. thanks Sassy...for your consideration of me. this time, though...i can seeeee......"the link" ~ to all who endeavor to share.....
~ it's a long, long road ~ from which there is NO return....
~ while we're on the way ~
~ to there ~
~ whyyyyyyy not share.... ~
~ and the load? ~
~ doesn't weigh me ~ down ~ at all ~
~ he's ain't heavy ~ he's my brother ! ~
~ (((( she ain't heavy ))))) ~
~ (((((( she's my "brother" toooooooooooooo ))))) ~
~ bye MsPam.....you're presence ~ most definately felt!!!!! ~ so TOO ~ your
~ presence ~ most definatley MISSED!
~ a time to mourn....yet...this hope have we...
~ "blessed are they that mourn.....for they shallllll be comforted"
(((( Amen. )))))
Hi Pam
I miss you so much darlin. You crossed my mind a little while ago, and I smiled, then I remembered. I just miss you so much.
Carly
Thinking of you, Pam. I can't wait to meet you in person in Heaven.
Still missing you Pam.... miss your fire and determination....
Dawn
just thinking about you. i miss you so much.
Kathy
Awww
V
I hope no one minds this, but I feel the need to add something here, although I never knew Pam as I've only been in 'J~Land' for 3 months.
I was reading someones journal earlier, and I happened to notice someone mention 'Pam's passing' and how upset they were by it.
Later, I discovered this journal, and I have to say how deeply touched I am by it.
What a strong and beautiful lady she was and always will be!
I just wanted to pay my respects to such a wonderful person who I know would've been someone I enjoyed getting to know and talking to on here.
Rest in peace Pam,
Love from a friend you never met.
xxxx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/stevietwain/ThelifeofSte/
It's coming up on J-land's 3rd Anniversary Pam. Can you believe it? You were here at the very start of all this madness we lovingly call J-land. I miss you so much. I wish you were here to help us celebrate the anniversary.
Kathy
Was thinking of you today, Pam.
I ask my self sometimes, why do I still come here, when I know there will be no new entry from you? Why do I go back and reread this entry and wish for a different outcome? Why do I still miss you, your encouraging words, your wittiness, and your eternal hope for the future? Why do I still cry when I come here and look at your smiling face on the sidebar, and read about your plans for the day spa..something you probably never got to do?
You touched so many people, Pam.. so many... You touched me deeply..still do..
I miss you..
Jackie
Prayers, Pammers.
V
I'm sure your reading your comments from up above. I know I've read this entry before and I'm sure your smiling knowing this entry is up for a VIVI award. I miss your entries! I miss your ethusiasm, I miss you.
Missie
Missing you, Pam; we all are.
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK
Pam, you are still with us, being nominated this year for VIVI awards, because your witness never dies. Your spirit and your courage lives on. You continue to inspire us.
Krissy
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink
This is one of those entries I'll never forget. It is the one that opened the door to J-land, just as Life's door closed on Pam. Rest in Peace.
Never forgotten Pam. I hope you know you are nominated in the awards, I am sure you do. Rest in peace.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/jeanno43/JeannettesJottings/
Pam ... you will always be with us in spirit.
Dianna
Wouldn't it be wonderful to be remembered and loved by so many people. You are so missed. Dawn
Miss you Pam, love you always,
Dorn
I miss you so very much! Although I know you're looking down from heaven I can't see your face!! But I still talk to you! you've gotten me through some pretty awful times and for that I will always be greatful!
Love you,
Promise
Still remembering you...
be well,
Dawn
Merry Christmas to all of your family Pamela.
I miss you so much.
Kathy
We still miss you Pam.
Has anyone had any updates on the kids and how they are doing? I wonder about them all the time. IF anyone knows, please let me know.
Thinking of you and your family this Easter. Hope they are doing well. I miss you, Sheila
You and your family are in my thoughts this Easter; I'm typing the comment virtually to the year, month, day and hour after you entered this last post. Rest in Peace, Pam.
It's been a year since your last communication to us, Pam. We miss you and have been keeping your family in prayers.
Pam
I still think of you often. I miss you so very much. I can't believe you are gone.
Kathy
just once i wish i would look here and see a new post from you. it just hurts me that you are not with us. I think of you so often, so much more than you would ever guess. I miss you. Still. xoxoxo ~shells
It's April 7th again, of another year, Pam. You made this last entry exactly 2 years ago, and you are still missed by so many in our community. At this point in 2006, you were not to know that you only had 9 days left in this life. You were an example to many. Rest in peace.
You are still missed, still thought of often. I wish your kids would pick up this journal and write... I pray for them... Hope they are well.
be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/
Oh Pam I miss you so much.
My mom died this past May 3rd from lung cancer also. I now truely understand how Krissy must feel. I miss my mom so very much.
Can't believe you have been gone 2 years now.
Kathy
Three and a half years have passed since you left us. Your journal writings remain, if on another platform. You will not be forgotten. Rest in peace, Pam.
Hi Pam,
Another year has passed, but the memory does not fade. You were a fantastic example for so many. Rest in peace, now beyond pain.
It is now 5½ years since you left us, Pam, and I know your memory continues to inspire us that are left behind to carry on.
Pam, I'm sure you know what a treasure you were to us. I really miss you and Walt. There are many of us praying for an other person dear to you and I, who is battling the bastard that ate you up. My thanks go out to Guido, and the others who have created the next wonderful place for all us J-Landers to try to keep track of each other.
For Pam's children: You guys have been in my prayers. I hope you're doing well and your lives are filled with love and the loving memories of your mom.
It's now 8 years since you left us, Pam, but you will remain a shining example to us all. Rest in peace, I'm glad your pain is now long over.
Never forgotten, always in our thoughts. It's nine years since your suffering ended. You were, and continue to be, an inspiration to many. Rest in peace
Come up to a decade since your suffering ended, Pam. You were, and continue to be, an example to many. Rest in peace, knowing you will never be forgotten.
TO PAM'S FAMILY: I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. MAY OUR HEAVENLY FATHER SEND COMFORT AND STRENGTH TO YOU ALL DURING THIS SAD TIME.
IN DEEPEST SYMPATHY,
CARLENE NOGGLE
It's been quite a while since I've blogged or even visited blogs. Facebook really took over a lot of my time.
I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. I know how scary tumors, cancer and the like can be. You'll be in my prayers, and I'm certain things will work out for the better. Please keep up posted and we'll keep up the prayers.
It's 11 years since you left us, Pam, but you remain in our hearts forever.
Always remembering you around Easter time. Rest in peace, Pam. Your struggles are over, but we carry you with us forever
We shall never forget you, Pam. Fourteen years is no time at all. We remember, so you are not really gone. Meet you at the breakfast table, when the time comes.
Thinking of you, Pam. Rest in peace.
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