i thought i'd take a few morning and try to catch up a bit .. this appears to be easier said than done .. my fingers aren;t going anywere i intend then on going! this entire litte paragrah has taken me at least 10 minutes .. makes me give considertion to composing voice entries !!
can YOU say numble fingers ??? hehe
here is a little blurb publised by GotCancer . org featuring the CCCMA shirt my sister Nancy got for me !! just thought i'd take a momemt and share it!! here i am with my nephew, Michael :)
She's a Fighter
Tune in to "Just One Girls Head Noise" - Pamela's chronical about her battle with lung cancer. Be sure and keep track of her "quit days" too, as it wasn't that long ago that she was <whisper>smoking</whisper></WHISPER />. These days she's a CCKMA'er, as you can tell from her photo!
» Go CCKMA!
» Want to add your photo?
gotCancer.org Action Shots
i can't believe how totally and completely exhausted i've been the past few days .. all the while, attributing it to the brain rads and finding out that this is more than likely because of the dexamethasone (steriods) .. these pills control the swelling in my brain, the side effects are sometimes intolarable !! i can't wait until i'm off them completely and don't need them anymore !!
today they start weening me from the steriods (i guess it could be bad to just stop taking the pills) so they have a plan to reduce the dosage by 1/2 gram per week, which will take 4 weeks to eliminate the drug from my system.
i have to confide that i'm nervous .. these are the drugs that are controlling the swelling in my brain, reducing the chances of having another seizure .. me has a feeling i'm going to be sticking close to home for the next few weeks (just to make sure!!!) wish me luck .. wish me a seizure free life please :)
backtracking a few days so i don't forget to share whats been going on .. my son left friday morning to attend a dirt bike memorial for one of his friends .. my daughter came and spent the weekend so i wouldn't be alone .. it was awesome spending time with her again !! when my son arrived hone around 7 pm, he surprised me by saying "i missed you!!" i missed him too :) i wanted to tell him that even though i've been emotional lately its NOT because i'm sad .. i'm just feeling overwhelmed at times .. i started to explain .. "my life has been ... " .. "no Mom" he corrected me gently "your life IS!!" a subtle correction for sure, but an attitude that i want to adopt as my own :)
i was in the process of attempting to clear off my computer desktop 2 days ago and ran across my son's request to the Unversity of Hawaii to take a leave of absense for 2 semesters because of my health .. obviously he had assistance with the letter because of all the precise detail .. but non-the-less it really shook me up to read the words he has write ..
"Unfortunately she has not responded to any of the treatments.
She is living alone and has n o one to cre for her and is increasingly unable to care for herself. She is extremely fatigued, unsteady and weak and only semi-ambulatory. Her cognitivie function varies from day to day. My Mother desperately needs help and I am truly the only person who can provide the assistance that she requires."
He goes on the explain that he requires 2 semesters leave.
i know there was so much more that i wanted to write, its just that its taken almost 3 hours to get this far !
i am a collector of stuff .. a teacup collection started by my paternal grandmother; a harmonica collection started by my paternal grandfather; pill boxes for my daughter; dice collection for my son; ceramic artwork prepared by my children; troll collection for ME !! shot glasses for ME !! Beanie Babies for ME !! i have NO idea if any of this stuff means anything to anyone but i know i just can't ignore the fact that something needs to be done with all this stuff .. it appears that a huge gargage/estate sale is in my near future .. i know f sure i'm going to need help organizing .. i have an entire attic full of clothes and unused funiture .. it appears that i'm gonna have my hands full for several months .. i just hope i have the strength to pull it off
i had the shock of my life yesterday .. i subscribe to monster . com where employers advertise for employees .. imagine my surprise when i realized my employer was advertising to fill MY job .. what does this mean for me? i have NO idea but i think its about time that i start looking into receiving social security and/or california state disability benefits .. i don't even know who to ask .. i also need to make sure that if i'm placed on medical disability that i don't lose my life, dental and medical insurance .. that would screw things up for me for sure .. does anybody have any idea who i can get these answers from? i really am clueless !
i got my daughter to help me take a few pictures of the gifts i've received the past few days !! hopefully i'm going to have the energy to post the pictures and thank my friends :)
enough rambling eh?!?
let me see now if i can post a few pictures .. and as always, thanks for sticking around and sharing my head noise (ps .. my default dictionary is still MIA so please pardon the lack of spell check!!!!)